OI! You In The Kilt!! FUCK OFF!!

Beware of kilts this New Year, especially gays in kilts. This is Ben, he's a rubbish gay who likes wearing kilts. He is also a God botherer who is too into Disney for his own good. He has a crappo website, click here to see it!!

[Rubbish TV on: James & The Giant Peach - BBC 1 ]

A Tale Of Two Bummers

The Road To El Dorado this afternoon was a cornucopia of gayness. It was a bit like the Million Pound Property Experiment, but set in 16th century South America. Extra points for male animated bottom nudity, not seen since Titan A.E. (Points taken away by Elton John's bumming songs).

[Rubbish music on: Im Glad (Paul Oakenfold Perfec - Jennifer Lopez ]

Dancing Like A Cunt

Rubbish Gays spent most of the weekend in company of other rubbish gays & a wipe-clean dance mat. A declaration must be made:Dance mat games are the most fun in the world EVER. Having converted a causal gamer in to a dance mat lover, the word MUST be spread. The gem pictured above includes the classic 'One Step Closer', so no excuses. There are of course no extra points for waving your arms about, but why not anyway.

Meanwhile searching for alternatives we came across this new item 'hot from Japan'. Normally they always have the best stuff, but this looks like purest shite.



"Look mum I'm Vanessa mae!!"

[Rubbish music on: Sundown - S Club 8 ]

Mistletoe & Poppers

Christmas time, don't stop sucking my bell-end.

[Rubbish TV on: Family Affairs - Channel 5 ]

Get In Line Now!!



End concealing, try revealing, open your arse... Rubbish Gays & Associates went to see the Human League last night. .We spotted other gays there, and bought some gay merchandise in this case a 'mousemat'. You will be pleased to know that Phil (talking) was in fine voice, as were the girls. Much as I love them though, Susan has no sense of rhythm, and looking at Joanne's tutu (see above) she appears to have no sense of style. Long may they reign!! Don't don't you wank me...

[Rubbish music on: Love Action - Human League ]

The Shame!!



My Two Dads, hilarious 80's US sitcom, in which a dead slut leaves her daughter to 2 men who she had sex with years ago. However some lucky kids have two gay dads, and what better way of showing how much you hate them by wearing this t-shirt. Kids are smart, we've seen Uncle Buck, so listen up S Club-ers. Be sure to wear this t-shirt ALL THE TIME for maximum embarrassment of both papas.

[Rubbish music on: This Groove - Victoria Beckham ]

Top/Bot Of The Class!!



-How does your arse work?
-What can you do to help stop that 'gagging' sensation?
-What does he want to do with that?

If you have ever asked yourselves these questions (and are a gay), then this course is for you. Warning though, if you already attended the 'Arse Class' you won't get priority.

[Rubbish TV on: Pepys -BBC 1 ]

Readers Lives



From: A Gay
Date: 14 December 2003 14:19
To: rubbishgays@lycos.co.uk
Subject: How The Mighty Have Fallen

Dear Rubbish Gays,
This gay found himself hankering after
some old skool Kitten magic, and finding this CD Single cover on google (see
attachment atomic1)

Compare this fresh-faced bunch of pop beauties with the wizened pop crows on
atomic2. As discussed, the cover art is reminiscent of Microsoft Word, while
the girls themselves appear to have had a night in a Barbie beauty parlour
whilst off their cake on drugs.

I fear the dumper beckons... Or at the very least the chicken-in-a-basket
circuit.... Poor cows.

Nick x

Indeed, what on earth has happened to the Kits/Kats?? Ladies Night? More Like Girls World. Makeup by Aunt Sally, hair by Ricardo. Being a gay, and consequently a bit rubbish Mr A Gay (Nick) has made one glaring error. Just as Bananarama have tried to cover up Jacquie O'Sullivan, A. Kitten have erased all traces of Kerry 'Attentionseeking' Katona. For evidence we also turned to Google, see Exhibit Blee below. What's that?? They weren't always blonde??



In conclusion, Love Doesn't Have To Hurt, but neither does shoving this unwanted trio in a sack and chucking it in t'canal.

[Rubbish TV on: Blue Peter - BBC 1 ]

Wrote For Luck

Thanks to the wise readers of Popjustice, Rubbish Gays is 6th best site of the year. We accept this top six placing in the spirit that it was intended, IE Up the arse, no messin!!

Regular readers will note this gay has been resting on laurels (haunches), no more. As soon as the household chores are finished, all will be put right. Keep the faith init.

[Rubbish TV on: Eggheads - BBC 1 ]

When Gays Collide...

Vs

'So I'm A Gay-on All-the-time' this evening had the lovely and fit Alan Cumming as a guest. Gays take a lesson, Graham is a rubbish gay, Alan is not. His Nightcrawler produces nocturnal emissions back at rubbish towers, which brings up another question: If you wank off to the X-Men, does it then become porn?

Back to Norton, once a week was fine, and a treat, five times is torture. What ever happened to the 'everybody stay standing' bit. How come Cyndi 'She's so unusual' Lauper had a full show to her self, while Cummings & Lauren Bacall had to share double billing. Cyndi used to be good, but this new direction has pants written all over it.

In conclusion if you were watching So Graham Norton shame on you, you should have been watching Little Britain.

[Rubbish TV on: Bo Selecta - Channel 4 ]

SMTV:GOLD??

What a shower of shite this show is.

Preaching To The Converted



Rubbish Gays was causally flicking when found Cher:The Farewell Tour. Without wanting to sound too gay, she puts on a good show. The audience seemed to be full of hen nights & rubbish gays, tanned & t-shirted up, echos of Canal Street. However this 'Farewell' nonsense has been heard time & time again. See Turner, Tina for example. Must dash, the tank-tops queers are going mad for Believe.

[Rubbish TV on: Cher:The Farewell Tour - BBC 1 ]

Let's go round again...



Oh and here he is, in living colour. Note sallow complection, sad eyes. Before you die you see the Ring...



Alan, again you miss the point. I have no life. This is as good as it gets for rubbish gays.

[Rubbish music on: Happy Just To Be With You - Michelle Gayle ]

The horror!!



Yes already Faceparty throws up another denizen from the deep. Pullups is the name, nappies is the game. Adult babies turn me off, as they should all decent minded gays. It's like Sonia, you know she's there, but you don't need to be reminded about it. His favorite food is Rusks, and favorite film, The Lion King. We look at this profile and can only think he has some issues. If you can help, drop him a line. Tell them we sent you!!

[Rubbish TV on: End Of Days - ITV 1 ]

Gay Rubbish has a new home...

...and thy name is Faceparty. The young gays I am passing over for the moment in favour of those older who should know better. On that note, meet Indiemodboy:


On first look it appears to be Simon Le Bon pre-Rio, but no look closer. He is modern but looks like a thing from times gone by. His ideal partner appears to be Ringo Starr circa 1966. How queer. Indiemongboy we salute you!!!

[Rubbish TV on: End Of Days - ITV 1 ]

...And The Money For Old Rope Award Goes To....



We have seen some shite in our time, but this piece of effluent takes the biscuit. 'Electronic spin-the-bottle' almost made us choke during Sabrina The Teenage Witch. Is it possible that the juvenile twistings of an empty bottle of Concorde, can be replaced by this whistles/bells arrangement?? Back in our day spin-the bottle was all about kissing girls, and that, could this needless waste of money possibly offer anything else? Oh yes....

'This isn’t your parents’ Spin the Bottle. Back in their day, they actually had to use a gross empty bottle that didn’t spin very well. Borrrring! ' What's that? Empty bottles are gross? Bottles don't spin you say?

Over 130 commands are programmed into 3 categories: Truth, Dare or Kiss/Forfeit. WOW!! It isn't just about kissing, it's truth or dare too. Does Madonna have one of these? If not why not?

Tell the truth – which teacher is the most boring? We dare you to dance under the table! Will you kiss the spinner’s nose, or will you forfeit? Which Teacher has the biggest cock?? We dare you to lap dance for us!! Will you kiss the spinners ring??

If Harvey from Sabrina wasn't as fit as he is, we would have changed the channel earlier and avoided this monstrous carbuncle.

[Rubbish TV on: SMTV: Gold - ITV 1 ]

Queer As Shite

We have finally seen the horror that is 'Queer Eye For The Straight Guy'. August archive for the early warning. These five degrees of masterbation take an hour to do what Triny & Suzannah can do in 30 mins. Hopefully the dumper will beckon soon for this quintet, US TV is very fickle. Look for this show to be replaced by 'A Black Man In A White Van', or something just as vile.

---

Dear Queer Eye,

your gays are all hounds,

woof woof.

yours

Rubbish Gays

[Rubbish TV on: Blue Peter - BBC 1 ]

PS

Remember the ancient Bunting war from times past? Check September Archives. In short a dreary old queen 'putoutmoreflags' got narked at his inclusion on this site, despite being ultra rubbish. As expected after a while he changed his username, as did I (doh!).

Here he is in all his glory, salope39. Salope if you are reading this, which I suspect you may be. I do this not to toy with you, but as a warning to others, and after all, you DID ask sometime ago to be included again on Rubbish Gays. M'lud I present Exhibit B(umer).



I feel free, I feel love, I feel you getting your (hunch) back up again!!

Don't Look Now...

Hi Rubbish Gays,

I've sent you one before, but come on...this has to be the most
rubbish...and if you're of a nervous disposition, turn away now.

http://www.gaydar.co.uk/smeglover/

PLEASE let him be the only gay in the vilage...

Cheers,

Ian


Never have the two words, rancid & cock ever gone together as well as they do with smeglover *wrench*.

[Rubbish DVD on: Lord Of The Rings - The Fellowship Of The Ring - Extended Edition ]

Been A Long Time...


Gaydar fuckwits!! Rubbish Gays has avoided the Gaydar since they were banned/suspended/struck off. Now the embargo has been lifted due to yet another ban from a precious homo.

---

Hi,
Have read your page for a while now, absolutley love it.... thought I should draw your attention to the following gaydar profile.... it is so rubbish, I thought I had to tell you all about it.... enjoy!!!

www.gaydar.co.uk/qtboy4boy

one of those self loathing queens if I ever saw one!

Paul

---

Why is he self-loathing? I think this one has real issues:

-I dont try and act str8 or gay like so many gay guys tend 2 do, & I prefer lads like this. (so no gay or straight acting guys??)

- I have started up a male glamour model agency & porn company. At the moment its just web sites but within the next couple of months im going to film my 1st movie, so any1 who would like 2 be in it please msg me. (Any half-wit can do a website and with the rise of digital technology, everyone can make a porn film)

-I am now seeing Olivier, I know I did really want a bf but I met him & couldnt help myself... he lives in London so until we live closer 2 each other we are still gonna shag other lads but so glad im with him. (So you did want a boyfriend or didn't you? Yet he's not really your boyfriend, thanks for sharing that)

-I`m in to things that typical gay men aren`t such as football, pool n ladish stuff but also like 2 go shopping like most gay men. (What does this mean? Sounds to us like you could be a touch boring)

Gash In The Attic

Disturbing news this afternoon. Alistair Appleton seems to be have replaced by a lady. No explaination. As a (non) licence payer, we are outraged!!

[Rubbish TV on: Cash In The Attic - BBC 1 ]

Home Taping Is Killing Kylie....And It's Illegal!!

Ironically the 'home taping' guff was on the back of Rubbish Gays Buck Fizz-Are You Ready. This aside, we have obtained proof that most downloaders in the UK are homosexual. Your Honour I present exhibit gAy.



Poor Kylie, the queens favorite. How on earth could this have happened?? Number 6!! As SE-B says, "it's a mixed up world". This proves beyond all reasonable doubt that Minogue first week sales have been severely hampered by the downloading gay. Straights do download I'm sure, but mostly animal porn, so they cannot be held responsible. One good thing may come out of this, she may have to tour, and as long as she doesn't charge Madonna prices she can count on our cash!!

[Rubbish TV on: Blue Peter - BBC 1 ]

Forget Pop Idol 2



Remember instead Korban. Cast your minds back he was first to be voted off Pop Idol 1 for doing a bad impression of Ronan Keating, sad flat cap & denim shirt. However, Korban is fit, well fit, fitter than Will & Gareth. Check out his site.

[Rubbish music on: Jump - Girls Aloud ]

Without further ado...

Here it is, Boy George's gaydar profile.

'If your cheeky, I love you, if you are are cruel, get lost.'


Mirage or Taboo?

[Rubbish TV on: Kennedy 40:Kennedy Assasination - BBC 2 ]

Kick It Through My Posts



As a service to the gay community, Rubbish Gays has swiped these pictures from another site. Yes it's that fit fucker Wilko!! Prepare for maximum wankage & ultimate spunking.

---

Dear Jonny Wilkinson,

Please spunk on us,

Thanks

Rubbish Gays

PS We don't mind that you're a bit short.

[Rubbish music on: Happy Just To Be With You - Michelle Gayle ]

A Call To Arms



London is rubbish, The Cheeky Girls are not. How they ever landed this contract is a mystery to us, a gay in the decision making process maybe. I can almost hear them now "Don't be shy, two for one, London bound, for a bum(ing)". As first look the hotpants appear to be gay pink, but no. As can be seen above right, an almost perfect match can be found in the B & Q Tate paint range, it's name? Decadent. I'll say.

[Rubbish TV on: Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps - BBC Three ]

Gay in Kylie Shocker

I asked around in the gay chat rooms. Seems I am a gay for downloading the new Kylie album, but not as gay as if I paid cash money for it. On an 80's gay crush note, Green from Scritti Polittii is all over the track Someday, I'm wanking already.

[Rubbish music on: Someday -Body Language - Kylie ]

Last Night

Rubbish Gays dreamt he was in the back of a stationary car, with an old woman on one side, an old man on the other and being sucked off by the dark haired one from t.AT.u. Has this rubbish gay become a rubbish lesbian? Research continues, this may only be a one-off.....

[Rubbish music on: Wigan Pier - Get A Life You Drug Addicts - ]

Slow down get cheeky with me


Rubbish gays has much respect for these Transylvanian Lollypops, but even we cannot turn the other cheek on this one. Back out for Christmas its Partytime. I should start with the cover really. It's piss poor. Both the girls seem to be having a Linda Barker Currys moment, keep them away from sharp objects. The background serves to add to the horror, while the star in the corner makes it shabby. Eagle eyed readers will be able to make out it contains 'Cheeky Christmas', what is this madness?? As for the rest of the content, a bit like a Talking Heads album this is very hard going. May you never find yourselves never at this party!!
Head off to their website to see them cutting a birthday cake, but not actually eating any of it. It appears they turned 21 on hallowe'en, spooky or gimmick, you decide.

[Rubbish music on: russia2003 - t.a.t.u. ]

Darren Osbourne -Cocky Fuckwitt




Brookside is behind us. All that is ahead is Hollyoaks, look to the future now... Darren Osbourne, who knows or cares what his real name is but he's a nasty piece of work. He was a twat then and he's a twat now, and frankly it's fouling up 'The Dog in the Pond'. Luckly for him he is well fit, and as such needs this sly streak knobbing out of him. As there is only one gay in Chester, and he's a weed, Rubbish Gays puts itself forward for this hard task. Details on Darren's bringing down to earth with a gay bump here, if and when it happens.

[Rubbish music on: maximum overdrive - 2 unlimited ]

A Blind Eye For The Straight Guy



Oh the humanity!! Topman's latest attempts to dress the men of our great nation have fallen sadly short of all estimates. I present to you a selection of clothes that go not only against all nature, but they defy the very laws of the colour wheel.
Look again at the jumper in the middle, this kind of woollen nightmare can be found in every students middle draw. It comes out at the first sign of cold, and normally has a hole at the bottom of each sleeve to accommodate a thumb.
Purple shiny pants (see fig.3), not since Prince's Purple Reign have I seen such unnecessarily grape coloured pantage. What do these pants say about the wearer? I suspect they say 'Even the only gay in the village would not wear these britches'.

[Rubbish TV on: Burn It - BBC Three ]

Prince Charles, rubbish gay??



At the risk of sounding treasonous, Prince Charles has been accused of having cock & ball fun with his 'closest advisor', who I assume is a fag. Of course Charlie boy says he's not a dirt-box devil, but he did turn down the lovely Diana for fag-hagish Camilla. You don't have to be Dannii Minogue to begin to wonder.

Here is the article, its a crap translation, but well worth it for the amusing grammar and word substiutions:

The king house risks everything that it knows this keeping secret, since on it allegedly explosive material is to be over the Sexualleben of prince Charles.

Er did Fawcett approximate too, but which I can make, if my married man an unhealthy relationship wanting with an official is received??

[Rubbish TV on: India's Ladyboys - BBC Three ]

A thousand and one wanks



Have the gay version of the Proclaimers bitten off more than they can chew? The million pound property experiment started tonight, in fact it's on right now. It is a temple to all that is gay & rubbish. Even the straight roughnecks on the programme seem to demonstrate more common sense & design tips than these pair. I suspect they secretly ridicule these two, not for being gay, but for one having a funny lip and the other being Lorraine Kelly. Either way this looks like required viewing over the next few weeks. I bet Colin is 1st to cry.

"We don't want any Victorian's telling us how to use our space" Too right Colin!! (or is it Justin?)

[Rubbish TV on: The Million Pound Property Experiment - BBC 2 ]

RIP



Last Brookside tonight. No excuse for not watching it.

[Rubbish TV on: Wife Swap - Channel 4 ]

Final Destination

Thanks to Nerd stats I present the last 3 refers to this site from a Google search:

1- flowers in the attic incest fuck
2- timberlake cock & balls
3- dirty slags who take a load of come over their tits

[Rubbish TV on: Allo allo - BBC 1 ]

The funk of forty thousand years



A rancid All Hallows Eve to one and all. Rubbish Gays saw a Ring last night, and tonight hopes to see your Ring 2. Here's hoping Manchester's finest are out on Canal St tonight. Burn the witch!! Duck her in the Canal!! In the mood for a lynching a bender.

[Rubbish TV on: Ed - Channel 4 ]

Jack whacks off!!



In full view of the newlyweds and young Joshy. This is shocking stuff. Hold on to your hat though dear Beverley cos.....



Barry Grant is back!! After killing his ex and his baby, then nipping off to burn down Sun Hill, he's back to sort that druggie out!! Barry is not that great but his dead brother our Damon was well fit.

[Rubbish TV on: Wife Swap - Channel 4 ]

Barbie has a new mission


As you can see Barbie has a new life ahead of her. Not a life of crime fighting it seems, but dressing badly. She is too thin for Wonder Woman, too old for Supergirl, and looks a twat as Batgirl. 'I wanna be Barbie, that bitch has everything!!' I remember seeing that on a gay t-shirt years back. Of course we used to be even more rubbish than we are now, and can see the error of our ways. Barbie shite is everywhere, fuckin Rapunzel Barbie, Cinderella Barbie, Kelly Osbourne Barbie, can you see a theme developing. As for that advert with Barbie's crap mix kitchen thing, brownies?? Fruity gels?? There's not even a fuckin doll in it. Where is Jem when you need her??

PS Don't get us wrong, we still want these dolls, curse our gayness!!

[Rubbish TV on: Liquid Assets Kylie's Millions - BBC 3 ]

Cuming soon (over a back near you)

-Can you be so gay you actually are straight, or Cult of the Wannagay.

-Cheeky Girls V's t.A.T.u.

-Rubbish readers recommendations.

Rubbish Gays was up late last night watching The Wicker Man, and now has thumb up own arse. Meanwhile here are an early version of Satanic Club 8 from the aforementioned Wicker, hail satan!!

[Rubbish TV on: The Queen's Nose - BBC 1 ]

Burn it then shag it!!



Let the wanking commence for Burn It. The gay count is zero, but the trackies & trainers rule!!

[Rubbish music on: Daft Punk - Revolution 909]

Possibly the rubbishiest gay escort ever

Meet David, a gay escort with reasonable rates. The Deirdre Barlow specs are not optional, the suspension of disbelief however is. How can this joker can say he's 27, he's about 39 if he's a day. One of the principles of escort/rent is ugly people pay nice people. Rubbish gays gets the feeling this poor misguided soul doesn't work much.

[Rubbish music on: Waiting for tonight - Jennifer Lopez ]

Jack Off!!

Brookie's hard man gives rubbish gays a hard-on. Looks like Jack Michealson is well-hung after all, or will be in a few weeks.

Michaelson, a drug dealer, will end up hanging from a window in the Brookside finale, which will be broadcast in November, according to a newspaper report today.

---

Dear Phil Redmond,

Please fix it for a gay, to have some shots of Jack getting dressed, in shower, etc.

Wanking already

Rubbish Gays

[Rubbish music on: Aerodynamic - Daft Punk ]