Sunday, August 01, 2004

Cheeky Gays

I like cute butts and I cannot lie, yes rubbish gays is so square it's gone hip (hop), Sir Wanks-a-Lot is in the (shite) house!! Word me homo, big (7 1/2 uncut & thick) up ya!! Being a gay, the arse, either yours, or other gents is of primary importance, 2nd only after cock size. Like a naff builder might perv on some passing dolly bints tits, a gays eye can be often drawn to to a passing male arse. Having reported before on packet size vs. actual size, we discovered then there are various ways and means to to judge packet size though clothes. Not all of them work, in fact sometimes they never work. Our conclusion was hands-on testing is the best measure, used in conjunction with a ruler if bold. However arses are different, rubbish/no arse don't really register for us, an unconscious dismissal, but when say a scally on a mountain bike passes or Matt Baker from Blue Peter bends over, a internal porn voice says 'nice arse mate'. A good arse these days is hard to find, a universal truth, or is it?

Look at these aborhrations!! Yes padded pants!! Only in America? No way, with the magic of online retailing from Stateside to Backside is only a click away. In a perverted kind of 'Through The Keyhole' maybe 'I'm an arsehole'? 'Who would live in pants like these?'. Instead of looking at the evidence, again look above to the trunk with a false bottom. Only through the magic of substance/alchol abuse could a boney arsed fag expect to get a shag back without them noticing at some point that bubble-butt is now Boney M, talk about Brown Girl In The Ring.

Would you wear these? Does it feel so real during frottage? What other colours do they come in? So many questions. The short answer is we don't know, and that's the danger. Gays everywhere the price of freebum is eternal vigilance!! As with fresh fruit you must always feel the produce before bagging up. If you suspect a strap-on bump-bump-a-bump-bump, whilst heavy petting put either hand down trouser/jeans/trackies backs, give it a squeeze. It will be a treat for him, and a qualifier for you. Do this while still in neutral territory, if only discovered too late recite to self 'any holes a goal', and take revenge by say cummin in his eye or wiping knob on curtain after.

[Rubbish TV on: Extreme Archaeology - Channel 4 ]

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