One Gay At A Time, Sweet Jesus...

Band Aid 20?? Has it really been that long. Funny how time flies when you're having drugs. Back then being a gay in public was bad, whereas nowadays its just rubbish. To mark how far we have come Living TV is currently treating us to its 'Big Gay Weekend'. We're here, we're queer, we're not going to watch!! Whats this? A dirrty protest? No shit Sherlock.

So there's gay like happy, and there's gay like crappy. The BGW suprisingly is the later. Consisting of a few episodes of Will & Grace/Japs Eye For A Naff Guy, an old Kylie, and Cabaret (for the yawnth time) it's a right pigs ear. The pigs cock though is the live final of Mr Gay UK. Starting at 10pm tonight (never on a Sunday) the masterbation is reaching fever pitch.

Covered in an earlier articles with degrees of discomfort this Fag Pag(gent) is our bette noir. Here we ached over King Fag 2004, and here was an early preview of some of tonights contestants the Mr Gay UK has gone from strength to strewth in the past few years. Previous winners have gone on to appear on TV, in porn, and on your cock for the right fee. What's in store for this years winner? Likely more of the same plus appearances on either Des & Mel or Paul O'Grady. Will probably be O'Grady though as he has a thing for dogs.

As witnessed from one of the advertising pieces above. All hands are obviously to the pumps and not the spell checker. Brian/Brain?? The word 'stupid' comes to mind.

The final insult is the venue, G-A-Y. N-O!! This is pants. We don't approve. DOWN WITH PANTS.

(We have already removed our pants and set the video. We suggest you do the same)

[Rubbish TV on: The Simpsons - SKY 1 - ]

Let's Not Hear It For The Boy

Amerigays. They think they are better than us, they however are not. Having found US show 'Boy Meets Boy', daytimes, Channel 5, we have come to the realization American gay men, are like their naff counterparts, pure rubbish.

For those working during the day, or can't find Ch 5 on the remote, here is the lowdown. Mr A. Gay and his best freind Ms F. Hag are holed up in the desert (away from normal folk), while a number of gays are kept in seclusion, meeting Mr G for dates, dinners and various faggy activities. Our 'G' has to pick who stays & who goes. For the show, the twist is...some of them are not gay?!?!?! Outrageous!! How can they get away with it?? Simple, they are clean cut, non-threatening Amerigays. The contestants all sleep in the same room in bunk beds, we have seen plenty of videos like this. These viewings tell us that this is a potential porno in the making, but no. Not a sniff of cock, a creaky bunk, or a spunky sock anywhere to be seen.

Call us old fashioned, but a key element in compatibility between 2 average homos is sex. Whether it's how big, how often, or even whose top?? These bummer boys make no mention AT ALL of cock & ball fun whatsoever. Perhaps this is why we are down now to just 3 contestants, one of whom IS straight. Shock, horror!! Had there been a little less talk & a lot more cock, the faux fag would have been out on his arse a lot earlier. Only in America can one gay man bring another breakfast in bed, talk about kissing for 20 minutes, and not actually kiss. Had this been in blighty, after 20 mins one would be asleep and the other washing his arse out.

Maybe the selection of contestants was too rigorous, there appears to be no dirty, no flaming and no substance abusing homos. Can this be a true representation of a nations alternative sexuality? For your sakes, I fucking hope not.

PS Dani Behr hosts this mess. We bet she has sucked more cock than all 14 contestants put together, dirty bitch.

[Rubbish TV on: Reach For The Stars - BBC4 ]

RIP Charlene

Ulitimate Kylie? Already reading those two words several queeny types are masterbating furiously. Those that still 'buy' music, fools they be, may well be ordering this item online, but what else would they order? We went to Amazon to find out, and were not very suprised. What follows is the only piece of evidence we needed to find out what the pink e-pound is buying.

[Rubbish TV on: Teachers - Channel 4 ]

In The Event Of Something Happening To me...

Hi I'm Terry, you may remember me from 'The Salon', or maybe my role as Wicket in Ewoks:Battle For Endor. Either way it matters not, what does matter is I am related to the Osbournes. They are famous, I am not, but I will be. Just like Lulu in the 90's, I have jumped on the bandwagon. She mounted Gaz Barlow GB, I shall be riding the coattails of Auntie Sharon (Osbourne). Watch out for me being small hairy fag on The X-Factor, from now until X-mas. Not sure how much screen time I'll have, but rest assured, I shall be trying to do a Dame judi as steal every scene---- shot I'm in.

PS I'm not much good at the old hair dressing thing. For proof see my own sad barnet.

[Rubbish music on: Annies Song - John Denver ]

Calm Down Queer...

Not for the first time we had the misfortune to be on the other side of the room from the remote control. Therefore were rooted to the seat by a horror called 'The Jules & Lulu Show', not THE Lulu just a Lulu. This ones a brown dog, the other a ginger one. The 'Jules' is the worst of the UK 'fab *gag* five. Hes small hes gay, and we suspect does anything for money. Looking every inch like a student project, this queer quiz is hidden away late night on ITV1. Take the lowest of production values a love of the star-wipes/'amusing' inserts, combine with a bin truck painted pink and two hapless straight couples, and the overall R-Factor is through the roof. Absolutely diabolical.

PS The pink dumper has 'Tragic' in a big label on the back. How true.

[Rubbish TV on : Murder She Wrote - BBC1 ]

Jewel Of The Vile

It was last Cazzo's Sex Skins that had us anally fixated, but after missing an article about anal bleaching on Channel 5, our curiosity has been poked. We didn't see the the rim whitening process, but it got us thinking 'ouch' in a bad way, should you really have to suffer for your fart?? Are there any other ways to enhance your box of delights?? Indeed there are, pay attention all you would be pipe-cleaners and potential chimney sweeps. Rubbish Gays probes, briefly, ways to make your brown eye blue (the gay way), or low tech methods to dress your ring. Apart from the obvious, clean (no excuse, moist wipes for added freshness) & shaved (five mins tops, if you want that rim you'd better work), what else? What's that Minogue?? Danni who?? You begin to what??



Wonder no more, this range of anal jewelry will help your mutton look more like lamb, or give a dim ring a bling-bling vim. Made of 100% solid metal & the finest cut pieces of Nuggetique, with matching cufflinks this classy yet understated bum bling will make you the bell-end of every mans ball. When you wished upon a star, did you ever believe a jewel in your crown could ever turn so many purple heads, or catch so many jap's eyes?? Order today and say Good Night Black Hole, Good Morning Starshine!! (Click here to see above item as worn by A. Sad Model)

[Rubbish TV on: Emmerdale - ITV1 ]

Jail Bait

Chances are if you're a rubbish gay, you're single. Dating hasn't worked (never does), Gaydar is a constant letdown (like a true best friend), what else is out there? Lucky for you we have been sniffing about and have been drawn like a fly to shit to Horny Prison Pals. Horny, I guess they feel horny but certainly don't look it. These adverts are swiped wholesale, ie we have not been tampering.



Who doesn't love an ass to pound? Here's one!! Good job this crim is passive 'cos his rap sheet shows murder, backs to the walls boys!!



His ad is not that horny, so we have saved you the bother. Poor fucker though, burglary and in the clink for the next 8 years. Most likely turd burglary. Most thoughtfully though he has enclosed a drawing/tracing of his cock.



If you're interested, please send me an e-mail. We will forward it, and make plans to buy a hat.

[Rubbish TV on: CSI - Channel 5 ]