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Rubbish Gays

Gay is the new black, but rubbish is the new brown.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

...It's only the beginning of a new world

...It's only the beginning of a new world
Glamour rent
Rubbish gays has been cleaning out his closet and come across old 7"s (gaydar 9"s). 'Which one of us is NOT gay?' this cover seems to shout. As we all knew then Mark & Robbie were doing each other, Barlow was straight and the other two were probably at it. Many years on it seems that none of them were/are gay, but I say Once you've tasted cock...

BTW Apart from plain jane Barlow are any of them married, kids??

[Rubbish music on: four minute warning - mark owen ]

When you go, will you send back...

Date: 30 September 2003 18:14
Subject: 'straight acting'

Self hating queers should just ferk off! If you want to act like you want muff when you really want cock you a just a twisted little bunch of wierdos.

"Oh, I'm gay, but I can't possibly let mummy and daddy find out!'

And why do 'straight acting' types always look so gay?

Made the mistake of going out with one of these types, never again

(Me? In a bad mood?).

[Rubbish music on: Rent - Pet Shop Boys ]

Hate me, but don't hate the site...

From: Ryan Woods (
Date: 30 September 2003 00:21
Subject: If something is rubbish

If something is rubbish, tell you.
Well your site is SHIT, it STINKS and so do you.


Thanks for your wise words Ryan. Now lets have a look at your gaydar profile to see if anything else smells. 'I`m straight acting and not interested in anybody who isn`t also.'

. Funny that, with the amount of false tan on your face and that capped sleeved top, you have failed the first test of so-called 'straight acting'. Your second failure Ryan is your use of the term 'acting', yes I'm sure it's all an act. Remember there is nothing straight about liking men or cocks. Thirdly this site does not stink, in fact you stink maybe your foreskin is too tight who can say?

Wednesday, September 24, 2003



It's almost jumping off the page (screen).

The word is out!!

Mary Whitehouse turns in grave!!

Countdown Todd doomsday!! As every rubbish gay whos has bought Heat this week has already seen, the Coronation Street 'gay kiss' is on it's way. How ironic that Adam Rickett's character is NOT the gay one. Poor Sarah-Lou, Gail will be calling social services again. She is long due a breakdown, murdered husband, murderous husband, slut daughter & a peado ex, not to mention having Audrey for a mother, poor bitch. Anyway I look forward to Todd's 1st trip to a gay pub, & likely some comic scenes with Tyrone & that thick one from the Royal Family. Backs to the er allys boys!!!

Friday, September 19, 2003

'Nation not suprised a gay puts ABBA on'

You can dance with me honey...
After an evening out and sleep not kicking in, Rubbish Gays finds itself awake having lay in bed thinking about some of ABBA's darker moments ie Summer Night City. Next thing the gay is up, looking for ABBA Gold, a proper rubbish gay would have known exactly where it was , they would have also known Summer Night City is NOT on Gold. Above is Vol 2, (which DOES have SNC) invented about the same time as the Walkman. This was my favorite tape between the ages of 8-11. It is fucking ace, well apart from 'Rock me'. I always liked Freda better with that lusty dark straight hair, a dead ringer for Sabrina Duncan from the Angels.

PS The reprise in Chiquitita brings a pearl tear to my japs eye.

[Rubbish music on: ABBA - One of us ]

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Lovely Boy!!

Tranny night at Napoleons

Windsor Davies shares his birthday with (never the) Shania Twain. Smallbridge!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Little Britain!! Fucking Ace!!

Rubbish Gays has a new mascot!! The brilliantly rubbish gay Daffyd:


Proud to be gay, Daffyd refuses to accept that he isn’t the only 'gayer' in his town. Catch him swilling Bacardi and Cokes in the pub, or he can sometimes be spotted in the newsagent’s where he discovers, to his horror, that the only copy of Attitude magazine has been bought by someone else.

Catch it on BBC Three, (or get a mate to tape it for you).

[Rubbish music on: maximum overdrive - 2 unlimited ]

Malchik Gay??

Am I a gay??

Meet Louis, new junior in The Salon. Coming across as trying to be different, individual, until I saw he's only just left home and is crying already. Poor cow. Meanwhile memories of Ollie, a a junior of gay-past still haunt me. To that end here is is:

I am G.A.Y. and loving it!!

Ps Very fit & winning smile Ollie. Where are you now?? Click here if you know him, or what he's up to!!

[Rubbish music on: My LA Ex - Rachel Stevens ]

Monday, September 15, 2003

Shat-on 3

In space, no-one can see your helmet hair....

Last night Rubbish Gays watched Saturn 3. We weren't amused. SPOILERS AHEAD:Farrah survives, the other 2 are killed by the robot & you see Kirk's bare arse twice (once in homoerotic tussle). For me the biggest twist was how Farrah's hair got flickier & flickier until it flicks into a (girl's) world of it's own. As far as rubbish gays is concerned, Fawcett-Majors was just a fill-in Angel until they could get Cheryl Ladd.

In conclusion, Capricorn One yes, Saturn 3 no. Tomorrow, 'The importance of being Lynda Carter (and not Farrah Fawcett(-Majors lol).

[Rubbish music on: Good Boys [Radio Edit] - Blondie ]

Out of hand!!

This site is fast becoming a one-trick pony. I asked readers if I had gone to far. Rather than clutter up the site with these voices of reason, I have them here. Click on to read. or Click here to send you own message of support/condemnation!!

uh oh uh oh

Date: 15 September 2003 15:56
Subject: complaint

hi. I'm writing to you to complain about the content of the web page The writer of this page is a user of gaydar
(although following my complaint to gaydar support he has now been
suspended). He has been systematically cutting and pasting then posting
the text of my private messages (including my profile photo) on to this
page, for others to read. I find this this behaviour totally unacceptable.
Humorous pages are fine, but to publicly post other people's details
(including a sexual conversation I had with another friend of mine on
gaydar) on a web page without their permission is a serious invasion of
privacy. If this information is not taken off, I will seek advice on internet law
to see if I can take any form of legal action. In the meantime, I would be
grateful if you would instruct the author of this page to delete the offending
items, all of which refer to gaydar user "putoutmoreflags2. I consider his
behaviour to constitute abuse. I look forward to hearing from you as soon
as possible. Thank you, Alan Flags (the owner of the profile which is featured on the offending page

Alan 'Jolly Roger' Flags.
Dept of Flag Waving
Semaphore Institute
Put-up Road,

Oh dear


Don't be shy. Download our album!!

[Rubbish music on: Espanola Dream - Cheeky girls ]

Sunday, September 14, 2003

What the fuck??

A message from beyond

Do I have 'docking here' on my forehead now??

I've been to the year 3000...

Finally flags has noticed. After months of me telling him. Rubbish gays is always helpful, and directed him to, well, here. He wasn't happy.

He's not happy!!

Oh dear, but always polite.

I don't care!!

Of course we all like a whinge, so I knew it wouldn't end there.

While there is breath in my body....

I didn't reply to this one. Maybe I was in shock at the thought of being reported to the gaydar, the police or that my body of work has been reduced to a 'wanky web site'. However the best was yet to come. What follows is a message to myself, and other Rubbish gayers out there.

I am close to tears now...

Sick, bitter & twisted, but above all funny!! I thank you!!

Have I gone too far? Comments please click here!!!!

[Rubbish music on: Ainslie - Keep me a secret - Fame Academy ]

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Mickey Brown Finger

Four fingers is a festival!

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Large Cock Update

Do I have length as well as girth??
Mike Dixon from Brookside 26.3%

<<<<-----Vote now!!!!

London Attacks!!

margateboy > hi
margateboy> talk to me a mo
you need to chill out
margateboy> do you know jon
margateboy> welsh
> only online not in person
> but he collects soft toys, that puts me off him
margateboy> well he is only 1 of several that wanna go to London
> so
> a queen goes to london, its not the first time
margateboy> and because i prefer to be what i am A LONDONER is
that any way to speak to a fellow puf
margateboy> WELL
> do you always have your thumb up your ass?
margateboy> grow up will yer
[Wed Sep 10 02:22:24 GMT 2003] margateboy left private chat.

Gaydar Inches Are Like Dog Years

Are you sure that's seven inches

This is fucking ace, all you mixed up Gaydar kids need to take a look at this. Correct methods/techniques for obtaining both length & girth measurements. Warning there are pictures of errect penises (peni?)!! Do NOT view at work, unless you are the big cheese.

[Rubbish TV on: Cutting Edge:I Confess - Channel 4 ]

Saturday, September 06, 2003

STOP THE PRESS!!:The Rubbishiest Gay Item EVER!!!

This is a large picture. Prepare to be dazzled/blinded!!

Words fail me....

PS This was in The Sun TV mag.

[Rubbish TV on: Pokemon-Pikacu's vacation - Channel 5 ]

Tobberly Phona Bodo

Fuck off yourself!!

Friday, September 05, 2003

Ask Not For Whom The Toilet Rolls...

Double-plus naff!!
'Makes a great and unusual gift, good for a laugh every time!'
Is the jaunty strap-line for this 'item'. My freind used to have one with a radio & ash-tray on top.

'Installs in seconds... years of fun!'

Oh I am quite sure the joke wears thin very quickly.

[Rubbish music on: Sundown - S Club 8 ]

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Take this poll, and shove it up your arse!!

Closing likely tommorrow. How exciting, like when set of balls number 2 comes out!!

Like A Prayer

I love to hate you

Whilst browsing for offensive homo material I came across Betty Bowers. In one article she tips off other Baptists on how to spot a fag:

'Outside of Italian shoes, nothing sends up a rainbow-colored flare that you are dealing with a flaming homosexual more reliably than when a man breathlessly gushes the word "faaabulous!"'

In Manchester a way to spot a gay is to look out for the extra 'S' . This can be applied to most names, Eg Cruz 101 becomes Cruzes, Essential becomes Essentials, Manto Mantos, etc.... Not limited either to place names. For further info, please see Cheeky Girls and the top 3 hit 'Take your shoeses off'.

Two city centre gems in two minutes

As I was crossing Oldham Street today a man started to cross over with his dog. I noticed then the dog had only 3 legs, missing one of the front ones. This is not the amusing part. Standby. He called to the dog, "come on Ivor". Ivor 3-legged dog. How does it smell?? etc

There was a girl in front of me in the Superdrug queue. From behind I could see she had a pack of refill blades for Gillette lady razor things, but when she put her stuff down on the counter she had 2 boxes of condoms too. Maybe tonight was her lucky night. Fuck me though it cost her over a tenner!! The NOT rubbish thing about going to gay pubs & clubs, is the free condoms. I haven't had to pay for condoms for near 10 years now. I hope this sensible girl had a good time & got real VFM.

[Rubbish music on: Booty Call - All Saints ]

Monday, September 01, 2003

When Flags Attack!!

It starts with a whisper!!

Calm down dear, it's only a commercial.

Ends with a bang!!

I can almost see him now, tears rolling down his face, fag ash all over the keyboard & an empty box of wine.

[Rubbish music on: I Don't Know what You Want But I Can't Give It Anymore - Pet Shop Boys ]

Interview Game II

The Rules
1. Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your website with my five questions, and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

Here are five from Truman

1. If you were a show pony, who would be your jockey?
Jockey Wilson, maybe Jack from Will & Grace, he looks light enough.

2. Who is the reigning queen of pop?
Well Madonna doesn't make pop music anymore, obviously then its Kylie.

3. Where is your 'happy place'?
In a K-hole with the Human League on.

4. Polo Smoothies or Campinos?
Er Campinos, even though I know they are a girls sweet.

5. Name your 5 desert island items?
Time-machine, Sky One, Rizlas, Alistair Appleton & a fairly large cock.

Send me a mail if you want in on this (agreed) sad game.