Cheeky Gays

I like cute butts and I cannot lie, yes rubbish gays is so square it's gone hip (hop), Sir Wanks-a-Lot is in the (shite) house!! Word me homo, big (7 1/2 uncut & thick) up ya!! Being a gay, the arse, either yours, or other gents is of primary importance, 2nd only after cock size. Like a naff builder might perv on some passing dolly bints tits, a gays eye can be often drawn to to a passing male arse. Having reported before on packet size vs. actual size, we discovered then there are various ways and means to to judge packet size though clothes. Not all of them work, in fact sometimes they never work. Our conclusion was hands-on testing is the best measure, used in conjunction with a ruler if bold. However arses are different, rubbish/no arse don't really register for us, an unconscious dismissal, but when say a scally on a mountain bike passes or Matt Baker from Blue Peter bends over, a internal porn voice says 'nice arse mate'. A good arse these days is hard to find, a universal truth, or is it?


Look at these aborhrations!! Yes padded pants!! Only in America? No way, with the magic of online retailing from Stateside to Backside is only a click away. In a perverted kind of 'Through The Keyhole' maybe 'I'm an arsehole'? 'Who would live in pants like these?'. Instead of looking at the evidence, again look above to the trunk with a false bottom. Only through the magic of substance/alchol abuse could a boney arsed fag expect to get a shag back without them noticing at some point that bubble-butt is now Boney M, talk about Brown Girl In The Ring.

Would you wear these? Does it feel so real during frottage? What other colours do they come in? So many questions. The short answer is we don't know, and that's the danger. Gays everywhere the price of freebum is eternal vigilance!! As with fresh fruit you must always feel the produce before bagging up. If you suspect a strap-on bump-bump-a-bump-bump, whilst heavy petting put either hand down trouser/jeans/trackies backs, give it a squeeze. It will be a treat for him, and a qualifier for you. Do this while still in neutral territory, if only discovered too late recite to self 'any holes a goal', and take revenge by say cummin in his eye or wiping knob on curtain after.

[Rubbish TV on: Extreme Archaeology - Channel 4 ]

The Gay Before You Came

Manchester is full of camp cows. For reasons still unknown to both local gays and naffs alike, Manchester has developed a herd of fake looking cows. Dressed up to the nines, all fur coat and no knickers, in the Village they wouldn't bat an eye. Surely queens MUST be involved somewhere? Oh here we go, the Palace Theatres entry, tacky, yet stylish meet Mama Mooa. A bovine bender if ever there was. We of course are aware cows are female, so a gay cow would be in fact a lesbian. Normally rug munchers get little attention on these pages, so lap it up ladiez, it's a long time till the next KD Lang album.

[Rubbish TV on: Cash In The Attic - BBC1 ]

Tonight Is The Night, When 2 Scotch Men Bum

Rubbish Gays rises before midday shock!! Shocked is not the word, more like startled. Trisha on repeats, no Duke on Bargain Hunt, and where the fuck is Spunk in my Attic?? What in the name of Jebus is 'Car Booty'?? BBC you're turning all ITV. Steady!! Thank fuck then for Loose Women. For those that work it's like a ladies version of Question Time, except the audiences only role is to hoot every time a slightly risque/saucy comment is made. Traditionally the panel consists of a smug Scottish bint, one who moans all the time, Kerry Atomic Jungle Katona-Fadden and her hooters provide the thick plucky support. Oh and Maureen that used to be on Coronation Street, pretending to be posh. Ok scene set, enter our very own loose women homosexuals. The always animated, sometimes crying on a beach, Colin & Justin. They talked about love, (of each other), property developing & the importance of arranging fruit in threes. It's difficult to tell with this pair who's bott & who's top. Take a look at the picture above. Seems obvious, except the moment Justin walks/talks/moves, its 'Hello Dolly'. Anyhoo they got a new show, 'The 20 quickest ways to make money on your property', hmm sounds boring already. Rubbish Towers is council owned, we have not yet become Morgage Gays so this show may offer us very little help, but it will be most likely camp. Isn't that all we are looking for after all?


STOP THE PRESS : Spunk in my attic has just started!! What's this?? Alistair Apps with trainers on?? Trackie tentin' time!!!

[Rubbish TV on: Cash In The Attic - BBC 1l ]

One From The Anals

The names have been changed to protect the stupid.

sad_gay.com_wanker>> hi there
sad_gay.com_wanker>> what r u lookin 4?
>> hello there sad_gay.com_wanker
>> hang on, I need to look at your profile
sad_gay.com_wanker>> ok
>> no picture, thats a bad start
sad_gay.com_wanker>> sorry sir
sad_gay.com_wanker>> i have to be careful
>> are you not gay?
sad_gay.com_wanker>> i am gay
>> you dont sound it
>> do you know who H & Claire are?
sad_gay.com_wanker>> :) no :))
sad_gay.com_wanker>> steps
>> then maybe I am not the boy for you
sad_gay.com_wanker>>> u r
sad_gay.com_wanker>>> what r u lookin 4?
>> rubbish things
sad_gay.com_wanker>> like...?
>> and drugs
sad_gay.com_wanker>> cant help u there sorry sir
>> whats the 'sir' thing about?
sad_gay.com_wanker>> im active but i luv to be dominated
>> oh god what a bore
sad_gay.com_wanker>> oh well i tried
sad_gay.com_wanker>> sorry for wasting ur time
>> does it mention anywhere on my profile that Im into that?
>> you're twisting my melon man
sad_gay.com_wanker>> no but i can always hope
>> Hope died in a tragic boat accident
>> she caught her pashmena in the rotors
sad_gay.com_wanker>> :))
>> goodbye sad_gay.com_wanker
sad_gay.com_wanker>> take care
sad_gay.com_wanker>> bye
>> no you hang-up
sad_gay.com_wanker>> why me?
>> I don't like to be rude
>> besides
sad_gay.com_wanker>> u can be as rude as u want to me
>> 'sad_gay.com_wanker has left private chat'
has a sense of finality about it.
sad_gay.com_wanker>> :))
>> I see you like Ground Force
sad_gay.com_wanker>> yep
>> and are a novice bird-watcher
>> a twitcher they call them
sad_gay.com_wanker>> i believe so but only a beginner
>> do you have a fat ball?
sad_gay.com_wanker>> ?
>> its made of fat & seeds, put them in the garden
>> bluetits love them
sad_gay.com_wanker>> oic not now
sad_gay.com_wanker>> :))
>> (I won't be abusing you now by the way)
sad_gay.com_wanker>> :(
>> but I do hate emoticons
>> you could drive a man to beat you
sad_gay.com_wanker>> sorry
sad_gay.com_wanker>> lol
>>I see you also like Changing Rooms
>>I'm starting to see a pattern
sad_gay.com_wanker>>hope its not leading anywhere
[Mon Jul 28 00:32:47 GMT 2003] Disconnected.

[Rubbish TV on: Big Brother - Channel 4 ]

The Gay After Tommorrow ('s porn)

'Show me a gay man that doesn't wank, and I'll show you stiff sheets' . We have readers, performed this deed both with others and in private. Of course the latter is preferred, but frankly who has the time. Enter porn. Not just any porn for rubbish gays mind!! Scallies, Neds, Chavers, working, dirty handed, reflective jacket & rigga boot wearer lads are fit, it's official. However in the porn department lovers of rough trade have been rather short changed. Having to deal with skinny Eastern European boys, and white socked Bel Ami twink twats for masterbatory purposes for far too long. Give us junkie dole scum trackie wearers, and a quality spunk-up session is assured. Enter Triga, they bring you men/lads from the street/estate/gutter/cottage into YOUR living room/bedroom. Just a brief flick over some of the titles available gives one no mistake about what R18 bang you get for your pink pound. 'Straight Men Fuck', 'Fireman Wankers' or 'Fucking Footballers', Rubbish Gays has a semi-on just reading the titles. Unfortunately we have downloaded
watched 'Trackie Lads', it's shite. However 'Football Orgy Two' hits the back of the net (wank sock), many, many times.
In conclusion, gay porn is changing for the better, and we have never wanked so much since we were 15 & on holiday. Click here to buy you some porn & get me some commision!!
PS If anyone at Triga reads this we would love a preview copy of 'Council Estate Europe', purely for masterbation purposes only.

[Rubbish DVD on: Atlantis:The Lost Empire ]

Snap, Crackle, Poppers!!

Product warning!! It has come to us from several sources that the lids on current poppers bottle are like Dannii Minogue's career, very fragile. Imagine if you will, a homosexual entertainment venue. The WKD is flowing, you've got a glow band, then Cher comes on. Fab!! Get the poppers out!! Ooh sniff *bleargh* Cap back on quick afore the rush cums. Then *break/snap*, the top of the lid comes off in your hand. FUCK!! Too late now, thumb on top, feel the music, hot, sweaty, rubbish. When the pink mist clears you look down. 'What am I going to do now?', lucky for you we have those hints you need.

Top Tips For Popped Off Poppers
- Keep thumb over top at all times
- Don't stop movin'.
- Pass among freinds/strangers. Share the wealth.
- Accept that you will need to get another bottle.
- Get in 'the zone'.
- If desperate, chew a large piece of gum. Push in top of bottle.
- Tell your retailer!!

[Rubbish TV on: Charmed - LIVINGtv ]

American Bandwagon

Now that gay marriages is potentially available to gays/lesbos. A whole new raft of 'pink' services is coming available. Have a look at this though for plain cheek. This shifty baldie is a lawyer who 'specializes' in gay divorces. Funny that since it barely exists. Anyhow, if you did get legally married and you want a divorce, look at his face, could you trust him? Thought not. Serves you right for wanting to exit the most sacred of vows.

[Rubbish TV on: Big Brother - Channel 4 ]