Take Me To The Clouds Above?

Bin this rubbish straight away. Drop & drag into the recycle bin!! It's as if 'Let the music lift you up' never happened. The blame lies squarely with DJ Sammy. J'accuse!!!

[Rubbish TV on: CD:UK - ITV 1 ]

What Does She Have To Do?

Urgh. Kylie, poor bitch. The more famous Minogue has seen fit to play G-A-Y again. Young posh queens as well as those older ones full of foundation and eye make-up have been rejoycing ever since. We are saddenend to hear this. Poor Kylie. How low will you go? The G-A-Y website is awash with rubbish gays anticipating entering a legal K hole for the first time.

'Looking forward to Madonna at G-A-Y tho.
Sorry Kylie, I spose next best is better than nothing.
For the record, I do like Kylie I have a Fever phone case!' Ah the mobile phone facia, the mark of true fandom!!

'let's hope our lovely Kylie performs better the devil you know!
i'm travelling sixty miles to watch her shake her thing!! i'm trying not to get emotional. i promised myself i wouldn't cry!' It's your party, cry if you want to.


'I might just faint.
Hmmm I won't believe it until I see her there in the flesh and then still I think ya will have to pinch me.
I'm so gonna be on the stage first after her performance, to grace the stage that just been on.' I'm sure the stage will still be slightly warm (pass the poppers)

Remember though Kylie G-A-Y is normally the first step either into or out of the D-U-M-P-E-R. Wear sensible shoes.

[Rubbish TV on: CD:UK - ITV 1 ]

Dress Me Up I'm Your Dolly

We clicked twice on a gay.com banner and brought forth this porno marionette. Look its Jeff Stryker!! For non-gays Jeff is a gay porn star, he has a huge cock, which is often up other men's bottoms. Oddly enough he is straight, how rubbish. Not even sure what uses this doll has. Maybe 'point on the dolly to what he was touching'? Anyway it's a steal at $40. We recommend you buy a Kelly Osbourne doll too, teach that bitch a lesson Stryker stylie!!

[Rubbish music on: Finally- Ce Ce Peniston -Energy 98 Live! ]

Don't Ask Don't Tell

A. Reader writes:-

the crew of HMS Northumberland, not gay at all. (you may have to scroll
down for the member of Her Majesty's Armed Forces in pink lycra and nappy)

So rubbish gays like Father Dowling went to investigate. Here is what we found.



How natural and at ease they all seem. I bet they run a tight ship. Hang on though, pink lycra?? Nappy?? Baby make boom-boom?? To save you time here is the offending member.



Meet 'Lieutenant Commander Kevin Rowlands as the delectable and sprightly Flying Flamingo' Oh dear Kevin, or is it Ma'am? A picture can speak a thousand words but this only speaks two, 'Why' & 'Never'. We are all for fags in the Armed Services, after all they do all the best porn videos, but getting them to dress in this demeaning style is unforgivable. Like Victora, we are not amused.

[Rubbish music on: Annie Lennox - Wonderful (Sander Kleinenberg Mix) - Energy 98.1 ]

The Masterbaters Of The Universe

So He-Man was a fag. Who knew?

[Rubbish TV on: ER - Channel 4 ]

Blue Peter......I'll say!!



Now Blue Peter has spread its wings (legs), it has diversified. Blue Peter Flies The World, is the old expedition, except it's more like a holiday. As only Wham! could go to China, only Simon & Matt get to go to San Fransisco. Much hoo-ha made of the earthquake threat, but little mention of the Castro/poppers/bathhouse orgy type stuff that we really want to know about.

[Rubbish music on: I'm Glad (Paul Oakenfold Perfeco remix) - Jennifer Lopez ]

No Wanking In The Corridors!!

For those that work, you maybe unaware that a new series of Grange Hill has just started. This year sees the schools 25th anniversary, yes 25th!! As if this excitement is not enough. Simon O' Brian Brookside's own Romeo & 80's fit-bit plays the new school caretaker, the amusingly named 'Wally'. His collection of trackie pants & sports tops really came alive in the 'Who dug up the school field affair'.



As if this wasn't enough excitement, enter Nick Edwards. He has a dark secret, oddly enough it's that he took part in a racist assault. In our eyes he is a secret gay, and therefore rubbish. As such Rubbish Gays welcomes him open armed & legged.

Never have we been so excited over kids tv, well apart from Nathan in Tracy Beaker. Forget Hollyoaks, this is where it's at.

[Rubbish TV on: Days That Shook The World - BBC2 ]

Rubbish Gays Goes Pop

If you are a gay then one DVD you MUST own is this one. The Pet Shop Boys, one gay, the other probably gay but no confirmation. One thin, one fit as fuck. 3 hours of homo erotica, with a stunning commentary by the boys. After 2 minutes it warms this gay to hear Chris comment on Neil's 1st on screen appearance as 'There she is!!'.

Thrill at the naked arses in 'Being Boring', jerk off over Chris in 'Paninaro '95'' and marvel at Margi Clarke's 'acting' in 'Rent' . Neil & Chris, always a pleasure, never a chore.

[Rubbish music on: Miracles - Pet Shop Boys ]

Gay Dads II: The Revenge

Channel 4 is running the amusingly crass titled 'Making babies the gay way' next week.We will be watching to catch up with the activities of the grim queens Barry & Tony and their test tube twins. For the uninitiated, Barry & Tony splashed the cash & mixed sperm to create these children of the damned. The last documentry showed them shortly after the twins had been born, where they had handed over care straight away to a pair of nannies. God forbid they would get their hands dirty and raise them themselves. Back then neither gay seemed to know how to hold a baby, ( a la Micheal Jackson), and they were very precious about their right to have children. Seems since they have moved to Spain and send their children to school with a bodyguard. Well done!! Barry/Tony you have managed to do what all people with money can do, ie. do whatever you like.
To clarify, we think anyone can have children, even gays , we don't mind. Even Pig Spice has managed to have two. We do take exception to having children just because you are rich bitches with nothing else to spend your money on. Not all parents can be hands-on with their kids, but these posh poofs have the luxury of being loaded, therefore able to spend all the time in the world with them. However choose to pay someone else for it. Poor show.
More homotastic details once the programme has been aired.

PS. The twins were baptised in matching Christian Dior christening robes.

Hate mail for Rubbish Gays to the usual address.

[Rubbish TV on: The Story Of Tracy Beaker - BBC 1 ]

Long Haired Lover

What if....The guy from The Darkness was Scottish, and more importantly, a rubbish gay, what would he look like?? Wonder no more, here he is. There is only a small selection of pictures on his poofy named website Goldilocks World. Why? Because he's worth it!!

[Rubbish TV on: Trisha - ITV 1 ]

About Last Night...

Last nights entry was followed by this e-mail sent to Sir Holly Johnson:



This morning our box had this unexpected reply pushed in it:



Thank fuck for that.

---

Dear Holly,

thanks for taking the time to put the record straight. As big fans, I/we are always interested in what you are up to. Popjustice might not agree but you are miles better than Pete Burns ever was.

Stevo

[Rubbish TV on: Coronation Street - ITV 1 ]

Welcome To The Pleasuredome

Frankie say Relax!! In other words, use poppers. After devouring a Bone in my Flute by Holly Johnson, reading how he was fucked over (not sexually) by the whole FGTH thing, but now is at peace with it. I was shocked then to see that Frankie Goes To Hollywood have reformed. Looking at the sad lads in the picture reminds us that Frankie was like Grease, it WAS the word, but it just isn't anymore. I bet Holly has got summit stuck in his craw seeing as 3 of the reformed band did fuck all anyway, maybe his regal scouseness gets a premium as he's the 'voice'. Joking aside Welcome to The Pleasuredome is one of the best LP's ever made, download it now as I'm sure some queen has it online somewhere .While you're at it, Frankie say "Download 'Male Stripper-Man2Man Meets Man Parish' too". Strip for me babe....

[Rubbish Music on: Ray Of Light - Madonna ]

At Last!!

Look it's gay reality TV contestant Craig, who is both nice and 100% fit, in a chicken kind of way. Agreed, as a 'tanning consultant' he has a gayer job than either Brian Dowling or Teen Big Brother Irish gay fag, but face it, he's no Ewok like Terry twat from The Salon.

[Rubbish TV on: Shattered - Channel 4 ]

A Window Into The Real World of Rubbish Gays (Or 'The Crying Gay')

Things my boyfreind has cried at over Christmas:-

Santa Claus : The movie. When Santa saves Dudley Moore.

Pinnoccio (live action) when Pinnoccio turns into a real boy

The Santa Clause. Twice, when Santa falls off the roof, then the ending

Eastenders. Twice, the wedding, then the festive ending.

Mulan. All the last ten minutes.

The King & I. During 'Shall we dance'.

100 Greatest Musicals. Numerous times, last time being at the No 1 Grease, Olivia Netwon-John "She just is SO Sandy (blub)'

Lord Of The Rings:The Two Towers. Twice.

Charmed. Four times.

Conclusion, you don't have to be Kym Marsh, but it helps.

[Rubbish TV on: Sister Act - ITV 1 ]

The New Russian Queens

Fuck me!! From Ananova Rubbish Gays has learned that my girlfriends, in another attempt to gain world domination, will be running against Vladimir Putin for President. Fuck how we wish were Russian.

[Rubbish music on: Sundown - S Club 8 ]