Don't Call It A Comeback

Dear gays & 'the others' we have been like Lois Lane on smack lately letting each deadline fall like dominos. Like Ce Ce Peniston, finally we can be arsed to post. How magnanimous of us. We said never again but here we are.

The Kraken wakes!! Yes reporting live from Planet K Rubbish Gays has been in orbit for far too long thanks to the generosity of beautiful strangers & the K dealer on speed dial. From this queer angle we are reminiscing over S club 8 and wondering, do good things always go bad?

Once upon a time there were three beautiful girls who went to the police academy, and they were each assigned very hazardous duties, or rather a trio of ald bints started the long road home. The comeback. 1st masterminded by Tina Turner circa 1983/4 Private Dancer, the comeback is a lofty ideal. Kylie did it, Peter André didn't. This holy trinity consisted of the Return of Bananarama, Madonna's 'all-dance' album, and Barbera Striesand's Guilty Too (the revenge). Unless you are Helen Keller, you'll know all about Madonna's return to the hit parade & pants of the nation. We ourselves covered it in a previous article Madonna's A Fuckwit, Who Knew....

The other two didn't fare as well. Age before beauty starts us with Bananarama, with a combined age of a hundred and seven Keren & Sarah returned with a brash new hit single. Or rather a rehash of Can't Get You Out Of My Head. Their marionette like appearance on TOTP's was crushing for rubbish gays. These girls need to Debbie Allan from Fame in to sort out their lonely goatherd stylie dancing. The second single was better, all vocoded up like Cher on mogadon, we approved. So when the accompanying album came out we weren't in a rush. Neither was the British public. 'Drama!' the Nana's new long player seem to have gone unnoticed by everyone IE it took us ages to find somewhere to download it for free.

However in the Nana's favour this is a good record. A few lame tracks but that's to be expected, even Cathy Dennis had fillers (my simple heart anyone?). One of the tracks though is camp to the 3rd power. Its a 'reimagining of Venus' oh that's camp, its a hi-energy remix, oh now that's CAMP. Not yet. Marc Almond is the remixer, CAMPERSALLYFAGULIPSTICKSEXBIDILDOCIUS.
We played aforementioned track and woke up in a tank top an empty bottle of max gold & a sore arse.

What about Babs? Well yes. If you are going to get bummed by Barry Gibb this Guilty Too is to be expected. We have a whole collection of 'two-words' for Mrs Nose & Dr Teeth. Time Warp. White Suits. Home Perm. Never Breed. On the whole we liked it and recommended it to our rubbish mothers.

PS We thought for a moment four weeks ago we had been bummed by Will Young. We weren't.

[Rubbish music on: How Would You Feel (Peter Rauhofer Mix) - David Morales ]

Inappropriate Touching

Pete burns what a fucker. We try to steer clear of Big Brother due to the blog clog & subsequent comedown after Big Brother 5. Circumstances now thou have conspired against us and made us face up to our past.

When rubbish gays was younger a friend bought them Dead Or Alive's Nude album for a present. We had of course already directed the madam what to buy. What else are fag hags for if you can't control their every purchase. The cover as you can see featured out Pete with his baps out. Except they aren't really baps and he looks quite fit is you put your thumb over the face, a la H steps in Dreamcoat. Well yes the bare flesh stirred our loins enough to have several wanks over said elpee sleeve. Turn around and count to 10 inches.

Readers maybe aware that the internet wasn't invented in the 80's and colour images of men without tops on weren't ten-a-penny. Gays turn into queers and before we knew it this sad masterbation inspiration from times ass had been forgotten, down well with Sakudo from Ring. All this changed whenl Pete entered the BB house. Now hes there, with his lips & his cheeks & tits. Its wrong all wrong.

We would like to point out that we have a high respect for Mr Burns *excellent*. We even bought his solo single with the Pet Shop Boys, but we shall never again shed a pearl tears from our jap's eye again over Miss Nukleaopatra. After all, we were never breast men.

PS We used to fancy Nigel Havers too but haven't been able now can't stick the twat since 1985.

PPS Talking of inappropriate, we were visiting a friend just for a social brew last week and we had a sly wank in their toilet. Lord only knows why, but we know now this was wrong. Sorry Craig.

UPDATE::LOOKING AT FINISHED POST AND PICTURE, WE ARE VERY VERY ASHAMED OF THIS WHOLE INCIDENT.

[Rubbish TV on: Hollyoaks - Channel 4 ]

Is This Not Grange Hill??

Jesus Christ!! That's our old woodwork teacher. Like No Way No Way, Manamana!! Fuckin' nonce!! We've heard of May to December relationships, but this is just a piss-take. Are you a pervert? A 'Death In Venice' type? If so have fun you peados!!

[Rubbish TV on: CD:UK - ITV1 ]

Madonna's A Fuckwit, Who Knew...

We at Rubbish Gays don't care about much, but Madonna is one of those rare exceptions. However like the bad seed she could now be rotten to the core. To stop the rot we have written a letter to Maddy. *Ahem* here goes...

Dear Madonna, What the hell do you think you're doing you royal spaz!! Fucking playing G-A-Y. What the cunting fuck are you thinking? We saw you last live at your 'Girlie Show' tour, you were a bit down on your luck then. Since you became a FUCKING SELLOUT, your pockets have never been so lined. We haven't seen you live since 'cos you have a fucking bare-faced rouged up cheek with those ticket prices. Look Bitch I bought Erotica AND Bedtime Stories, no other fucker did, and look how you repay loyal fans like us. Saying 'Oh yeah I'm gonna tour (AND I AM GONNA SCAM THESE FUCKERS TO FUCK, PINK POUND HAHA THEMS ARE MY POUNDS). Even though your new album is hot you still got a lot of crimes to answer to lady. These include the GAP advert, the Britney duet *gag*, the Bond theme & American Pie, those pissing cuntflap children's books that you brought out, 'Mr Peabody's Cock' or what ever the hell it was. Point is, you didn't used to do all this shit. Get a mirror wench & see what you've become, you whore. We thought you were over the worst of it, should have checked our heads though with that irritating 'Hello Moto' advert. Your face looks a bit like Odo from Deep Space Nine in that by the way. We know you are getting on but talk about troweled on, what next? Vaseline all over the lens. That's just plain wrong, Vaseline is for lips & gay foreplay only!! This brings us on to our main beef. G-A-FUCKING-Y oh why? Are you all of a sudden Liberty X or Posh Spice?? Have a bit of self-respect you leotarded sow. G-A-Y is run by the evilest man in Gaytainment Jeremy Joseph, met the twat have you? No thought not, bet you've had him gushing on the phone though. Not only does he ming, he is also from Mongo. Having seen his taudry website is seems tickets for your G-A-Y *snigger* show are only available for sad thin queens who suck off Jeremy. Is this the kind of audience you want?? All tank tops, haircuts & spray-on tan. G-A-Y is a cheap tacky piece of crap we're suprised you want to be associated with. Cher would use this place as an ashtray, talk about a dump. So when you take your bow and hear your Belsen like audience cheering, remember, they probably cheered more for Steps. You'd better hope it's not another night of 'Poppers On The Dancefloor (Better not kill the groove & pass me WKD). Anyway we hope this E-mail has come as a wake-up call. Maybe you need to fall off that horse again though, because we have a feeling you don't give a shit. Well missy neither do we, we downloaded American Life a few years back & Confessions On A Dancefloor last week, both on the sly. So you can fuck off to any money owed through sales you grasping hag. I've had enough of eating your shit sandwich and demand you take a bite back, demented skank. Yours sincerely Rubbish Gays PS Saw a clip of you on Parkie, wouldn't wear that top & raise your arm again love, bingo wings you got. Tie some red string around those flabby fuckers!! PPS Your latest elpee is actually quite ace. See, we don't want to hate you. You just make us so mad sometimes.

Ooh I hope she writes back!! We would well shit our pants!!

[Rubbish TV on: Popworld - CHANNEL 4 ]

While You Were Wanking...

While we have been away our favorite blog ie. this one, has been featured on uk.gay.com. You may remember Gay.com for having ace chat a few years back until Gaydar chat pissed all over it from a great height. However due to our recent Gaydar ball-ache we may be heading back... Anyhow without further ado, lets stroke the ego with the afforementioned artice for those too lazy to click the link.

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Homo blogging

7 September, 2005

What first started as a vanity project for geeks with too much time on their hands has fast become a global phenomenon.

Yes, blogs are taking over the world. With a new one created every second, and 900,000 posts estimated each day, the often bizarre ramblings of strangers have become the focus of the planets attention.

And the trend has not been lost on gay bloggers, with a just as broad a selection focussing on the gay minutiae: men, music and sometimes random forms of masturbation springing up across the internet.

To help you stay up to date with the best gay blogs, weve searched the peaks and the very many troughs to find the best blogs around to bring you two of the best each month.This month, we celebrate what's rubbish about being gay and enjoy the purest pop we can find.

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Mmm online gay press...

[Rubbish TV on: The Paul O'Grady Show - ITV1 ]

Rubbish Gays Welcomes Back Rubbish Gay

Thanks for the concern readers. Like Take That we are back for good. Todays entry is rather short, we have been banned from Gaydar twice in a week, and we are quite annoyed. We have made arrangements for chemical alterations this evensong, so normal service will be resumed ASAP. Madonna's appearance at G-A-Y is our next target.
Our mojo has been sadly dormant for months, however our old favorite purveyor of porn has been stroked by this Triga Release. It beats tossing off over The Bill. LET THE WANKING FESTIVAL BEGIN!!

[Rubbish TV on: Trisha - ITV2 ]

Rubbish Gays Welcomes Back Rubbish Lesbians

Hoo ha, HOO HA!! Unusually we are already wet. The return of Bananarama pales in comparison. Maybe Keren & Sarah should lez it up for kicks? Rebecca De Mornay's waiting....

[Rubbish music on: Let It Play (Deep South Remix) - Kujay Dada ]