Ooh Byker Ooh Byker...Byker GROVE!!

R.I.P. Another one bites the dust. First the demise of Smash Hits, now the shocking news that Byker Grove has been cancelled, has sent Rubbish Gays spinning around. What next no more 'My Parents Are Aliens'?!?!

OK Well in the spirit of the afterglow Byker Grove salute you! Nobby with your fumbling gay kiss in the cinema with your minging mate. I mean of all the lads down the Grove, I would if Nobby have chosen Marcus. Funnily enough, so did he, remember Point Break? Ho ho. Pop is vile but alive!

Andrew Hayden-Smith, the puns with his name are far to obvious. His 'straight' character had a massive eppy after his 'straight' fit older mate died joy riding. We remember him making a sad thing on the dead lads grave spelling his name (which we cant remember (curse Google) in pebbles. *sniff*. Of course Andrew is one of the new breed of Rubbish Gays, they are young, pretty and rich. Fuck them and the white pony they rode in on.

Ant & Dec, the pseudo fagettes 'Tonight I'm Free' Oh yeah PJ & Duncan. PJ I could have done without, but PJ fuck me! Talk about an Automatic High for us. Then he went blind *sniff*. With great beauty comes great tragedy. Yet it seems Ant & Dec too are Rubbish Gays, wannagays. In retrospect this pair are a simulacra, a bit like Dick & Dom but shitter names.

Byker Grove, gone yet not forgotten. May you rest in peace next to Press Gang and Children's Ward.

[Rubbish music on: High Energy - Evelyn Thomas ]

Mostly they come at night, mostly.

In our haze of K we are in the process of launching Planet K. Next stop K-Podcast!!
This is how far we have got, yes it's a playlist, but its a shit hot one!!. Rubbish gays feels out sister site Planet-K will go off on many tangents, therefore tainting this site. Hence a new site in geosynchronous orbit. Watching us, watching you.

[Rubbish music on: Dannii Minogue - So Under Pressure ]

Dole(s) Lads Return

If you're a naff chavvy scall round Manchester chances are you have been happy snapped by Agent Dole. Hoodlum that's what they call him, rebelious you can't ignore him. Top of the rank like Pearl & Dean. Look with your (jap's) eyes not yer hands.



You jealous perverts, we know you want it click here to get sum!!!!

[Rubbish music on: Love Sensation 2006 (Hi-Tack Burning Up Club Mix) - Loleatta Holloway ]

Dole(s) Lads

Sometimes a picture CAN speak a thousand words. Our perverted spy has been snapping all things scally for a while now. Why let these chavvy snaps go to waste? Yes we have created fresh rubbish, but...is it art?

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If you are one of the above lads, or look like them, consider having your cock sucked then e-mail us at the usual address.

[Rubbish TV on: Monk - BBC1 ]

Don't Call It A Comeback

Dear gays & 'the others' we have been like Lois Lane on smack lately letting each deadline fall like dominos. Like Ce Ce Peniston, finally we can be arsed to post. How magnanimous of us. We said never again but here we are.

The Kraken wakes!! Yes reporting live from Planet K Rubbish Gays has been in orbit for far too long thanks to the generosity of beautiful strangers & the K dealer on speed dial. From this queer angle we are reminiscing over S club 8 and wondering, do good things always go bad?

Once upon a time there were three beautiful girls who went to the police academy, and they were each assigned very hazardous duties, or rather a trio of ald bints started the long road home. The comeback. 1st masterminded by Tina Turner circa 1983/4 Private Dancer, the comeback is a lofty ideal. Kylie did it, Peter André didn't. This holy trinity consisted of the Return of Bananarama, Madonna's 'all-dance' album, and Barbera Striesand's Guilty Too (the revenge). Unless you are Helen Keller, you'll know all about Madonna's return to the hit parade & pants of the nation. We ourselves covered it in a previous article Madonna's A Fuckwit, Who Knew....

The other two didn't fare as well. Age before beauty starts us with Bananarama, with a combined age of a hundred and seven Keren & Sarah returned with a brash new hit single. Or rather a rehash of Can't Get You Out Of My Head. Their marionette like appearance on TOTP's was crushing for rubbish gays. These girls need to Debbie Allan from Fame in to sort out their lonely goatherd stylie dancing. The second single was better, all vocoded up like Cher on mogadon, we approved. So when the accompanying album came out we weren't in a rush. Neither was the British public. 'Drama!' the Nana's new long player seem to have gone unnoticed by everyone IE it took us ages to find somewhere to download it for free.

However in the Nana's favour this is a good record. A few lame tracks but that's to be expected, even Cathy Dennis had fillers (my simple heart anyone?). One of the tracks though is camp to the 3rd power. Its a 'reimagining of Venus' oh that's camp, its a hi-energy remix, oh now that's CAMP. Not yet. Marc Almond is the remixer, CAMPERSALLYFAGULIPSTICKSEXBIDILDOCIUS.
We played aforementioned track and woke up in a tank top an empty bottle of max gold & a sore arse.

What about Babs? Well yes. If you are going to get bummed by Barry Gibb this Guilty Too is to be expected. We have a whole collection of 'two-words' for Mrs Nose & Dr Teeth. Time Warp. White Suits. Home Perm. Never Breed. On the whole we liked it and recommended it to our rubbish mothers.

PS We thought for a moment four weeks ago we had been bummed by Will Young. We weren't.

[Rubbish music on: How Would You Feel (Peter Rauhofer Mix) - David Morales ]

Inappropriate Touching

Pete burns what a fucker. We try to steer clear of Big Brother due to the blog clog & subsequent comedown after Big Brother 5. Circumstances now thou have conspired against us and made us face up to our past.

When rubbish gays was younger a friend bought them Dead Or Alive's Nude album for a present. We had of course already directed the madam what to buy. What else are fag hags for if you can't control their every purchase. The cover as you can see featured out Pete with his baps out. Except they aren't really baps and he looks quite fit is you put your thumb over the face, a la H steps in Dreamcoat. Well yes the bare flesh stirred our loins enough to have several wanks over said elpee sleeve. Turn around and count to 10 inches.

Readers maybe aware that the internet wasn't invented in the 80's and colour images of men without tops on weren't ten-a-penny. Gays turn into queers and before we knew it this sad masterbation inspiration from times ass had been forgotten, down well with Sakudo from Ring. All this changed whenl Pete entered the BB house. Now hes there, with his lips & his cheeks & tits. Its wrong all wrong.

We would like to point out that we have a high respect for Mr Burns *excellent*. We even bought his solo single with the Pet Shop Boys, but we shall never again shed a pearl tears from our jap's eye again over Miss Nukleaopatra. After all, we were never breast men.

PS We used to fancy Nigel Havers too but haven't been able now can't stick the twat since 1985.

PPS Talking of inappropriate, we were visiting a friend just for a social brew last week and we had a sly wank in their toilet. Lord only knows why, but we know now this was wrong. Sorry Craig.

UPDATE::LOOKING AT FINISHED POST AND PICTURE, WE ARE VERY VERY ASHAMED OF THIS WHOLE INCIDENT.

[Rubbish TV on: Hollyoaks - Channel 4 ]

Is This Not Grange Hill??

Jesus Christ!! That's our old woodwork teacher. Like No Way No Way, Manamana!! Fuckin' nonce!! We've heard of May to December relationships, but this is just a piss-take. Are you a pervert? A 'Death In Venice' type? If so have fun you peados!!

[Rubbish TV on: CD:UK - ITV1 ]