Madonna's A Fuckwit, Who Knew...

We at Rubbish Gays don't care about much, but Madonna is one of those rare exceptions. However like the bad seed she could now be rotten to the core. To stop the rot we have written a letter to Maddy. *Ahem* here goes...

Dear Madonna, What the hell do you think you're doing you royal spaz!! Fucking playing G-A-Y. What the cunting fuck are you thinking? We saw you last live at your 'Girlie Show' tour, you were a bit down on your luck then. Since you became a FUCKING SELLOUT, your pockets have never been so lined. We haven't seen you live since 'cos you have a fucking bare-faced rouged up cheek with those ticket prices. Look Bitch I bought Erotica AND Bedtime Stories, no other fucker did, and look how you repay loyal fans like us. Saying 'Oh yeah I'm gonna tour (AND I AM GONNA SCAM THESE FUCKERS TO FUCK, PINK POUND HAHA THEMS ARE MY POUNDS). Even though your new album is hot you still got a lot of crimes to answer to lady. These include the GAP advert, the Britney duet *gag*, the Bond theme & American Pie, those pissing cuntflap children's books that you brought out, 'Mr Peabody's Cock' or what ever the hell it was. Point is, you didn't used to do all this shit. Get a mirror wench & see what you've become, you whore. We thought you were over the worst of it, should have checked our heads though with that irritating 'Hello Moto' advert. Your face looks a bit like Odo from Deep Space Nine in that by the way. We know you are getting on but talk about troweled on, what next? Vaseline all over the lens. That's just plain wrong, Vaseline is for lips & gay foreplay only!! This brings us on to our main beef. G-A-FUCKING-Y oh why? Are you all of a sudden Liberty X or Posh Spice?? Have a bit of self-respect you leotarded sow. G-A-Y is run by the evilest man in Gaytainment Jeremy Joseph, met the twat have you? No thought not, bet you've had him gushing on the phone though. Not only does he ming, he is also from Mongo. Having seen his taudry website is seems tickets for your G-A-Y *snigger* show are only available for sad thin queens who suck off Jeremy. Is this the kind of audience you want?? All tank tops, haircuts & spray-on tan. G-A-Y is a cheap tacky piece of crap we're suprised you want to be associated with. Cher would use this place as an ashtray, talk about a dump. So when you take your bow and hear your Belsen like audience cheering, remember, they probably cheered more for Steps. You'd better hope it's not another night of 'Poppers On The Dancefloor (Better not kill the groove & pass me WKD). Anyway we hope this E-mail has come as a wake-up call. Maybe you need to fall off that horse again though, because we have a feeling you don't give a shit. Well missy neither do we, we downloaded American Life a few years back & Confessions On A Dancefloor last week, both on the sly. So you can fuck off to any money owed through sales you grasping hag. I've had enough of eating your shit sandwich and demand you take a bite back, demented skank. Yours sincerely Rubbish Gays PS Saw a clip of you on Parkie, wouldn't wear that top & raise your arm again love, bingo wings you got. Tie some red string around those flabby fuckers!! PPS Your latest elpee is actually quite ace. See, we don't want to hate you. You just make us so mad sometimes.

Ooh I hope she writes back!! We would well shit our pants!!

[Rubbish TV on: Popworld - CHANNEL 4 ]

While You Were Wanking...

While we have been away our favorite blog ie. this one, has been featured on uk.gay.com. You may remember Gay.com for having ace chat a few years back until Gaydar chat pissed all over it from a great height. However due to our recent Gaydar ball-ache we may be heading back... Anyhow without further ado, lets stroke the ego with the afforementioned artice for those too lazy to click the link.

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Homo blogging

7 September, 2005

What first started as a vanity project for geeks with too much time on their hands has fast become a global phenomenon.

Yes, blogs are taking over the world. With a new one created every second, and 900,000 posts estimated each day, the often bizarre ramblings of strangers have become the focus of the planets attention.

And the trend has not been lost on gay bloggers, with a just as broad a selection focussing on the gay minutiae: men, music and sometimes random forms of masturbation springing up across the internet.

To help you stay up to date with the best gay blogs, weve searched the peaks and the very many troughs to find the best blogs around to bring you two of the best each month.This month, we celebrate what's rubbish about being gay and enjoy the purest pop we can find.

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Mmm online gay press...

[Rubbish TV on: The Paul O'Grady Show - ITV1 ]

Rubbish Gays Welcomes Back Rubbish Gay

Thanks for the concern readers. Like Take That we are back for good. Todays entry is rather short, we have been banned from Gaydar twice in a week, and we are quite annoyed. We have made arrangements for chemical alterations this evensong, so normal service will be resumed ASAP. Madonna's appearance at G-A-Y is our next target.
Our mojo has been sadly dormant for months, however our old favorite purveyor of porn has been stroked by this Triga Release. It beats tossing off over The Bill. LET THE WANKING FESTIVAL BEGIN!!

[Rubbish TV on: Trisha - ITV2 ]

Rubbish Gays Welcomes Back Rubbish Lesbians

Hoo ha, HOO HA!! Unusually we are already wet. The return of Bananarama pales in comparison. Maybe Keren & Sarah should lez it up for kicks? Rebecca De Mornay's waiting....

[Rubbish music on: Let It Play (Deep South Remix) - Kujay Dada ]

Rubbish Say War (Hide yourself)

Regular readers will know we have a thing for Frankie Goes To Hollywood, on K this turns into an unhealthy obsession. Needless to K, we have been off it lately and made an alarming discovery. Frankie are back, in a half arsed fashion. Unlike the return of Bananarama this 'return' is nout to wank over.

Anyone who saw the VH1 Bands Reunited, read the Saint Holly Johnson book 'A Bone In My Flute', or knows anything about anything, will already know FGTH were really only Saint Holly. The remaining band members pretended to play instruments, while Paul Rutherford did a clone version of Bez IE wanking about on stage with a 'tache looking like Magnum P.I. gone wrong. 'So Rubbish Gay, is this the original FGTH lineup?' Is it fuck!! Saint Holly has been wise to avoid all contact with this bunch of old scally naffs, leaving the four remaining members in a pickle. Obviously the lure of five dolla proved too much for this Spacktastic Four, see Queen & INXS for further information on 'The lead singers gone, we are well fucked', so a new frontman seems to have been scraped from the bottom of a tard barrel.

Looking like a pervy nephew and his funny uncles this is the 'NEW' Frankie. Do you remember me? Who is this grim queen? We needed to know. Seems Saint Hollys replacement is 28 year old Ryan Malloy, oh great so she was seven when Relax came out. His credentials? 'A West End singing star (Taboo, Jerry Springer The Opera).' Sounds like a big shiny brown star whose magnitude fades like a flower when compared to say, Darren Gay. Faggy is as faggy does, and this faux Frankie needs a hell of a big circle of shame round it. Where DID you get that ladies top? She's pure Primark.

'We're a long way from home' Yup we fuckin' are but we ain't accepting a lift from these money grabbing jokers. Do yourselves a favour, don't get excited about this 'reunion' it will only lead to trouble and...seat wetting. Saint Holly Johnson once again we salute you for knowing you can NEVER go home again. We once had correspondence from the very man himself, so in a KKKaze last night we mailed him again to let him know how we feel. Fingers & legs crossed we may get a reply. We will be keeping a closer eye on our box from now on.

[Rubbish music on: Rage Hard (Dirty Harry - Remix by Liebrand) - Frankie Goes To Hollywood ]

Salad Gays

Sometimes in our sexual life we are presented with strange choices. For instance, what do you do in the bed when trade puts a cucumber in your hand? It's no joke, we have been in this position on Friday night. First we laughed, then we put it down. Within 5 minutes we had cleared the building and were racing home.

Never again?!

Three weeks later. Different trade. We hadn't even got to bumming, and he's reaching into the draw for a hot pink dildo. With one hand and a quick movement, dildo trade has lubed it up and shoved it up his ass. Within 5 minutes we had cleared the building and were racing home.

What is wrong with you lads?!? Hmmm?!?! We have a largish cock, it's not as big as a cucumber but its bigger than hot pinks sex toy. It's almost an ass opener, but lately it's been under used. Why does our trade want to waste it in leau of an inanimate object. Who can say? Men are odd, but we can't help loving them *sniff*.

This homo don't play that. So stick yer butt plug/love beads/carrot up yer arse, but don't call us to do it. You sick and jealous perverts.

[Rubbish music on: Eve of the War (Tom Middleton mix) - jeff wayne ]

Present Tense

A gift that never stops giving. What could that be? A Prisoner Cell Block-H box set? No. A pair of Aussie Bums? Not even close. Syphilis? Almost. Those with eyes cannot have failed to notice the picture above, yes, looking at it will rape your very eyes. Imagine then this 'artifact' in your home, maybe on top of your television. Welcome to our world.

Straight people as we all know are a strange breed, a fact we are normally oblivious too in our gay/spunk bubble. Pretend for a minute you are a non-gay (this will be harder for the lesbos out there). Imagine you know a gay (again, a stretch for you lezzers). Imagine you want to buy this gay a gift. Imagine you have no taste at all. Welcome to our world.

A man/woman couple Rubbish Gays associates with visited earlier on this week. "We have got you a present. " Can you imagine our pure terror at taking this statuette out of bubble wrap? Well we glimpsed the head then handed it over to a senior partner for opening, whilst we died laughing. Straight people like Kelly Osbourne's career are fragile. In light of this the gay 'art' is now sat pride/shame of place on top of the TV.

After many days, the many, many details on this artwork were discovered. The 'young' one is wearing an ID bracelet. hes called Jamie. Hmmmm. Their jeans have rips at the back, dirty. The gay 'daddy' has a crap chest tattoo, and neither of then has horny/name brand underwear.

WARNING. Gays beware!! You may think you have been accepted by your so-called straight mates, as did we, but like resident evil/Elton John there is horror around every corner. Protect yourselves! Go minimalist! Do NOT endure like we have, a pervy gay dad/son nick-nack/crip-crap with 4 silvery eyes looking at us watching Trisha. END OF WARNING.

[Rubbish Porn on: Scally Boy Orgy - Triga ]