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Rubbish Gays

Gay is the new black, but rubbish is the new brown.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

The Angela Rippon Of Pop

   Often mentioned in these pages as a source of scorn and derision, Hazell Dean may seem like a dark mystery for those born after 1982, straights, and johnny foreigners. So for those readers and regular rubbish collectors alike, 'Call her Miss Dean'.

   1983 United Kingdom. Pete Waterman, soon after inventing steam locomotion & pop music 'invents' Hazell Dean. Gays of a legal age (then 21 how queer), and lesbians of any age felt a change in the air. She was the 1st true Stock/Aitken/Waterman product, and 'Searchin' her dykey debut, is still a jewel in the SAW crown.

   Never with a man on her arm, the young Hazell fought many rumours about her sexuality, but like everyone else in the 80's bar Tony Hadley she did turn out to be 'one of us' after all. Her chart career was brief, but her impact on the gay provincial pub jukebox has been astonishing. Even as her debut hits 'Searchin' & 'Whatever I do' reach the age of consent, there will be some small dancefloor in Britain that will always be...Forever Hazell.

It was this E-mail from A. Fag that prompted this Hazerection:-

   We are always so careful with our spelling, curse our cockyness!! On the PS Gay Marvin's picture has been circulated amongst the resistance, if spotted he is to be captured and hidden along with the British airmen, until either the war is over or until his eyebrows grow normally.

   Finally. Remember back in September with introduced you to the most Rubbish Gay item EVER, the Freddie Mercury Collector Plate? Well, be prepared. The new official Rubbishiest Gay item is an album by Miss Dean. Without further ado I present a TNT fueled disc. Hazell's ABBA album. Makes getting to know a lesbian look very inviting. The hi-energy version of Nivarna's Nevermind?? It just well could be. We have no idea. Haven't heard it as suprisingly Kazaa & Winmx indicate no-one has it.

Knowing Me, Knowing Navratilova

   Hazell, you're a lady. Let's keep it that way.

[Rubbish TV on: Stargate - Sky One ]

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