Take Me To The Clouds Above?

Bin this rubbish straight away. Drop & drag into the recycle bin!! It's as if 'Let the music lift you up' never happened. The blame lies squarely with DJ Sammy. J'accuse!!!

[Rubbish TV on: CD:UK - ITV 1 ]

What Does She Have To Do?

Urgh. Kylie, poor bitch. The more famous Minogue has seen fit to play G-A-Y again. Young posh queens as well as those older ones full of foundation and eye make-up have been rejoycing ever since. We are saddenend to hear this. Poor Kylie. How low will you go? The G-A-Y website is awash with rubbish gays anticipating entering a legal K hole for the first time.

'Looking forward to Madonna at G-A-Y tho.
Sorry Kylie, I spose next best is better than nothing.
For the record, I do like Kylie I have a Fever phone case!' Ah the mobile phone facia, the mark of true fandom!!

'let's hope our lovely Kylie performs better the devil you know!
i'm travelling sixty miles to watch her shake her thing!! i'm trying not to get emotional. i promised myself i wouldn't cry!' It's your party, cry if you want to.


'I might just faint.
Hmmm I won't believe it until I see her there in the flesh and then still I think ya will have to pinch me.
I'm so gonna be on the stage first after her performance, to grace the stage that just been on.' I'm sure the stage will still be slightly warm (pass the poppers)

Remember though Kylie G-A-Y is normally the first step either into or out of the D-U-M-P-E-R. Wear sensible shoes.

[Rubbish TV on: CD:UK - ITV 1 ]

Dress Me Up I'm Your Dolly

We clicked twice on a gay.com banner and brought forth this porno marionette. Look its Jeff Stryker!! For non-gays Jeff is a gay porn star, he has a huge cock, which is often up other men's bottoms. Oddly enough he is straight, how rubbish. Not even sure what uses this doll has. Maybe 'point on the dolly to what he was touching'? Anyway it's a steal at $40. We recommend you buy a Kelly Osbourne doll too, teach that bitch a lesson Stryker stylie!!

[Rubbish music on: Finally- Ce Ce Peniston -Energy 98 Live! ]

Don't Ask Don't Tell

A. Reader writes:-

the crew of HMS Northumberland, not gay at all. (you may have to scroll
down for the member of Her Majesty's Armed Forces in pink lycra and nappy)

So rubbish gays like Father Dowling went to investigate. Here is what we found.



How natural and at ease they all seem. I bet they run a tight ship. Hang on though, pink lycra?? Nappy?? Baby make boom-boom?? To save you time here is the offending member.



Meet 'Lieutenant Commander Kevin Rowlands as the delectable and sprightly Flying Flamingo' Oh dear Kevin, or is it Ma'am? A picture can speak a thousand words but this only speaks two, 'Why' & 'Never'. We are all for fags in the Armed Services, after all they do all the best porn videos, but getting them to dress in this demeaning style is unforgivable. Like Victora, we are not amused.

[Rubbish music on: Annie Lennox - Wonderful (Sander Kleinenberg Mix) - Energy 98.1 ]

The Masterbaters Of The Universe

So He-Man was a fag. Who knew?

[Rubbish TV on: ER - Channel 4 ]

Blue Peter......I'll say!!



Now Blue Peter has spread its wings (legs), it has diversified. Blue Peter Flies The World, is the old expedition, except it's more like a holiday. As only Wham! could go to China, only Simon & Matt get to go to San Fransisco. Much hoo-ha made of the earthquake threat, but little mention of the Castro/poppers/bathhouse orgy type stuff that we really want to know about.

[Rubbish music on: I'm Glad (Paul Oakenfold Perfeco remix) - Jennifer Lopez ]

No Wanking In The Corridors!!

For those that work, you maybe unaware that a new series of Grange Hill has just started. This year sees the schools 25th anniversary, yes 25th!! As if this excitement is not enough. Simon O' Brian Brookside's own Romeo & 80's fit-bit plays the new school caretaker, the amusingly named 'Wally'. His collection of trackie pants & sports tops really came alive in the 'Who dug up the school field affair'.



As if this wasn't enough excitement, enter Nick Edwards. He has a dark secret, oddly enough it's that he took part in a racist assault. In our eyes he is a secret gay, and therefore rubbish. As such Rubbish Gays welcomes him open armed & legged.

Never have we been so excited over kids tv, well apart from Nathan in Tracy Beaker. Forget Hollyoaks, this is where it's at.

[Rubbish TV on: Days That Shook The World - BBC2 ]