Sick, Weak, Fucked Off (Join Our Club)

You don't have to be Cher to believe but Rubbish Gays has been ill. Not that we have been ill for months, we have just been lazy on this column. We have been ill for a week, yes with a strong cough, but very strong. Our mother was involved!

The most heinous part to being ill is watching daytime television. Everybody Loves Raymond!! Now we hate this show, but this morning we laughed at it, several times, shame on us. Rosemary & Thyme, we have been watching it EVERY day and love it, shame on us. We are in bed by 11pm, shame on us. We avoided Gaydar for 2 weeks, shame on us. We haven't had gay sex for 6 weeks, shame on us. We haven't done Ketamine for 7 weeks now, nor weed for 4. We know we are letting our local dealers down, but we can't help it. SORRY.

PS Our Benylin was non-drowsy too!! Holy shit!!

It's More Hair-Don't Than A Hair-doo!! or You Know Your Barber Is A Racist When...

Proving that you don't have to be Ce Ce PENIStone to have something finally happen, we at Rubbish Gays have paid to have our haircut. We have been addicted to our Clippers for about 6 years, but we conquered our fear, went to the local scally barber and paid out five English Pounds.

There was us and another 'bloke, waiting, we read the Daily Star.'Bloke' was on his mobile giving the 'wife' grief, he let us go first. Once in the chair Bloke loudly told Barber he had scabs on his head, one of which wouldn't go, he thinks it gets bigger because he kept picking at it. We were glad we went in front.

During my cut, barber told us a story, he heard from 'Pub Guy'. Pub Guy was parked in front of Focus DIY and went to Mcdonalds. On the way back, a black girl stopped him and asked for a chip. They got talking, she said she lived in the flats opposite and would he like to come over for a coffee. Pub Guy and black girl didn't have coffee but they did shag 'All for the price of a chip'. Amusing but not really racist. Wait for it.

Barber's brother told him a story about last week, how he was parked in Focus, went to Mcdonalds, met a black girl, you see where this is going. They fucked. So Barber told Barber's brother that this happened to Pub Guy a few weeks back, if I were you I would get myself check out for diseases. Barber then turned to Bloke and said..

"I don't know about you but in my book, black girls always have AIDS"

Bloke just nodded.

We thought 'What would Jackie Onasis would have done?'. We said nothing.

We are indeed Rubbish Gays, but on a brighter note we seem to make a convincing straight customer for card/scissor carrying members of the BNP. Welcome to Tyldesley.

Banadonna

OK we are reading about Madonna but listening to Banananrama. Yes we really are that rubbish. OK the two new songs on the Madonna's are HOT, obviously. Viva! The LP by The Nanas is actully VERY good, better than Drama which was hot!! Anyhow ones an Icon, the others are pike-ons. Loving you Keren & Sarah!!

As a Concerned Citizen

The BBC are on the case, say no more.

Simon Make Us A Dancer, Google Chrome Give Us The Answer

Oh dear Google and we thought we were rubbish. Do you see what you have done? Yes your logo looks suspiciously like mega crap 80's electronic game Simon. It could have only looked crapper if it looked like this...



Our cousin Rosie had this bad boy for Christmas 1982. From memory it only had two tunes you could 'name' The Yellow Rose Of Texas & Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.
...and here's the lovely Maggie Moone to Sing That Tune!!

Two Gays In A Bath One Says To The Other 'Where's The Soap'?

...and the other says 'Yes, It does doesn't it'. OK we know this classic joke is really about 2 nuns in a bath, but there are gay times ahead in our nations soap operas so an emergency substitution is acceptable.



As seen in above article Rubbish Gay Anthony Cotton's character Sean Tully in Coronation Street is getting a new love interest. As he is so rubbish and camp we ask ourselves 'What will this new beau look like?' See above. He is fit, attractive and waaaay out of Sean's league. So we ask ourselves WTF?

While we were WTF-ing ourselves THIS came in....



OMG Eastenders are at it too!! And at the same time!! To be honest we think Christian is a lil bit hot, we have perved on him before. We would definitely do him. He has a thing for wearing vest tops, we have weedy arms so are unable to partake of the vest/tank top.

So we at Rubbish Gays are going to throw all our weight behind the Eastenders gay storyline. We would actually quite get turned on when they make out, whereas with Coronation Street we are gonna need a bucket when Sean starts his seduction routine. May we add 'blee'.

OK, forewarned is forearmed. Get ready for a hot summer gayfest, some of it won't be pretty, but like a car accident we won't be able to help looking (and being sick), and neither will you. Enjoy!

Gaydar Facelift In Worse Than Donatella Versace Shock!

Gaydar went offline for 3 hours this morning and came back with a facelift. It's WELL rubbish. Can you see what we have done? *snigger*