Rubbish Gays Welcomes Back Rubbish Gay

Thanks for the concern readers. Like Take That we are back for good. Todays entry is rather short, we have been banned from Gaydar twice in a week, and we are quite annoyed. We have made arrangements for chemical alterations this evensong, so normal service will be resumed ASAP. Madonna's appearance at G-A-Y is our next target.
Our mojo has been sadly dormant for months, however our old favorite purveyor of porn has been stroked by this Triga Release. It beats tossing off over The Bill. LET THE WANKING FESTIVAL BEGIN!!

[Rubbish TV on: Trisha - ITV2 ]

Rubbish Gays Welcomes Back Rubbish Lesbians

Hoo ha, HOO HA!! Unusually we are already wet. The return of Bananarama pales in comparison. Maybe Keren & Sarah should lez it up for kicks? Rebecca De Mornay's waiting....

[Rubbish music on: Let It Play (Deep South Remix) - Kujay Dada ]

Rubbish Say War (Hide yourself)

Regular readers will know we have a thing for Frankie Goes To Hollywood, on K this turns into an unhealthy obsession. Needless to K, we have been off it lately and made an alarming discovery. Frankie are back, in a half arsed fashion. Unlike the return of Bananarama this 'return' is nout to wank over.

Anyone who saw the VH1 Bands Reunited, read the Saint Holly Johnson book 'A Bone In My Flute', or knows anything about anything, will already know FGTH were really only Saint Holly. The remaining band members pretended to play instruments, while Paul Rutherford did a clone version of Bez IE wanking about on stage with a 'tache looking like Magnum P.I. gone wrong. 'So Rubbish Gay, is this the original FGTH lineup?' Is it fuck!! Saint Holly has been wise to avoid all contact with this bunch of old scally naffs, leaving the four remaining members in a pickle. Obviously the lure of five dolla proved too much for this Spacktastic Four, see Queen & INXS for further information on 'The lead singers gone, we are well fucked', so a new frontman seems to have been scraped from the bottom of a tard barrel.

Looking like a pervy nephew and his funny uncles this is the 'NEW' Frankie. Do you remember me? Who is this grim queen? We needed to know. Seems Saint Hollys replacement is 28 year old Ryan Malloy, oh great so she was seven when Relax came out. His credentials? 'A West End singing star (Taboo, Jerry Springer The Opera).' Sounds like a big shiny brown star whose magnitude fades like a flower when compared to say, Darren Gay. Faggy is as faggy does, and this faux Frankie needs a hell of a big circle of shame round it. Where DID you get that ladies top? She's pure Primark.

'We're a long way from home' Yup we fuckin' are but we ain't accepting a lift from these money grabbing jokers. Do yourselves a favour, don't get excited about this 'reunion' it will only lead to trouble and...seat wetting. Saint Holly Johnson once again we salute you for knowing you can NEVER go home again. We once had correspondence from the very man himself, so in a KKKaze last night we mailed him again to let him know how we feel. Fingers & legs crossed we may get a reply. We will be keeping a closer eye on our box from now on.

[Rubbish music on: Rage Hard (Dirty Harry - Remix by Liebrand) - Frankie Goes To Hollywood ]

Salad Gays

Sometimes in our sexual life we are presented with strange choices. For instance, what do you do in the bed when trade puts a cucumber in your hand? It's no joke, we have been in this position on Friday night. First we laughed, then we put it down. Within 5 minutes we had cleared the building and were racing home.

Never again?!

Three weeks later. Different trade. We hadn't even got to bumming, and he's reaching into the draw for a hot pink dildo. With one hand and a quick movement, dildo trade has lubed it up and shoved it up his ass. Within 5 minutes we had cleared the building and were racing home.

What is wrong with you lads?!? Hmmm?!?! We have a largish cock, it's not as big as a cucumber but its bigger than hot pinks sex toy. It's almost an ass opener, but lately it's been under used. Why does our trade want to waste it in leau of an inanimate object. Who can say? Men are odd, but we can't help loving them *sniff*.

This homo don't play that. So stick yer butt plug/love beads/carrot up yer arse, but don't call us to do it. You sick and jealous perverts.

[Rubbish music on: Eve of the War (Tom Middleton mix) - jeff wayne ]

Present Tense

A gift that never stops giving. What could that be? A Prisoner Cell Block-H box set? No. A pair of Aussie Bums? Not even close. Syphilis? Almost. Those with eyes cannot have failed to notice the picture above, yes, looking at it will rape your very eyes. Imagine then this 'artifact' in your home, maybe on top of your television. Welcome to our world.

Straight people as we all know are a strange breed, a fact we are normally oblivious too in our gay/spunk bubble. Pretend for a minute you are a non-gay (this will be harder for the lesbos out there). Imagine you know a gay (again, a stretch for you lezzers). Imagine you want to buy this gay a gift. Imagine you have no taste at all. Welcome to our world.

A man/woman couple Rubbish Gays associates with visited earlier on this week. "We have got you a present. " Can you imagine our pure terror at taking this statuette out of bubble wrap? Well we glimpsed the head then handed it over to a senior partner for opening, whilst we died laughing. Straight people like Kelly Osbourne's career are fragile. In light of this the gay 'art' is now sat pride/shame of place on top of the TV.

After many days, the many, many details on this artwork were discovered. The 'young' one is wearing an ID bracelet. hes called Jamie. Hmmmm. Their jeans have rips at the back, dirty. The gay 'daddy' has a crap chest tattoo, and neither of then has horny/name brand underwear.

WARNING. Gays beware!! You may think you have been accepted by your so-called straight mates, as did we, but like resident evil/Elton John there is horror around every corner. Protect yourselves! Go minimalist! Do NOT endure like we have, a pervy gay dad/son nick-nack/crip-crap with 4 silvery eyes looking at us watching Trisha. END OF WARNING.

[Rubbish Porn on: Scally Boy Orgy - Triga ]

Gaytime TV

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Not since we were hooked on S Club 8 has Rubbish Gays had more inappropriate feelings about the young. Neighbours. Can we talk? Or rather can we wank while watching and NOT feel bad by the time Doctors starts. Whats brought all this on birdbath? A look above to this dishy spunk may answer a few awkward questions. This is Boyd Hilton, real name, who cares, lives in Ramsey Street and hangs out with a faux lesbo. Normally he can be found wearing a capped sleeve T-shirt, being fussy about food and pissing off his girlfriend. Hmm sounds a bit poofy to us. On the plus side the plot finds him training for a body building competition, we know, even better. So twice a weekday our trackies are tenting. Is this wrong? We never had thoughts like this about Mike or Scott. As age sets in our perv factor has seemed to crank up a notch. We like to watch.

Our top tip though is - BE READY TO CLOSE EYES WHILE GRATIFYING SELF, PAUL, HAROLD OR LOU CAN EASILY AFFECT YOUR AFTERNOON GLORY.

[Rubbish TV on Footballers Wive$ - ITV1 ]

Bi Spirits

Lulu, she's as annoying as she is Scottish. Always trying to get in on the act with the gays. Anyhoo, our random quest to rid the world of Lulu drew us to our new favorite TV shows website High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman. Here we can ask the 'other' side questions. Well we asked 'Should we kill Lulu?', and this is what we recieved, Amen!!

[Rubbish music on: Annie - Chewing Gum - ]