Judy's Cheek

While cruising our bookmarks we had a look at urban myths, all the usual guff, firework in a dyke, two nuns in a bath that sort of thing when we came across this bizarre thing. Syncing The Wizard Of Oz to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Heresy!! Blasphemous!! We had never heard the like. In fact we have never heard this 'dark side of the moon', seems it came out in the 70's, but as its not Kate Bush or Disco our ignorance is obvious. Here's the site, blah blah. We were curious, just how would this 'classic' rock elpee affect young Judy.Guitars in Oz?!? The Wizard won't have that!!

To cut a long story short we downloaded a version of this 'cursed tape', didn't get past the first few minutes. Then we realised something, this is either attempt to straighten Judy up, or sneak her gingham through a straight mans backdoor. We don't approve. We don't do guitars.

However 'Oz' like most 'great' musicals it is far too long. Mary Poppins should end when they come back out of the pavement. Sound Of Music, needs reediting without the fuckin Baroness. With that back-combed bitch out of the way Maria's problem could be solved far earlier. Annie needs only be half hour long, it loses it when the turban man turns up. 'Ooh I'm a bit magic me 'cos I'm a mysterious person of colour with rolling eyes'. My Fair Lady, that needs a good portion chopping, mostly the bits with Wilfred Hyde-White and Hello Dolly?? Like 'Hello is this film STILL on?!.' We can never get past the bit in the dress shop, only seen the ''Hello Dolly' number' in Hooray-for-Hollywood clip type shows, like 'That's Wanking' with Fred Astaire or 'When The Lion Rims-The MGM Story', could be either.

In light of this we present Rubbish Gays Top Three Musicals of ALL Time

   Hairspray
   Dirty Dancing
   Moulin Rouge

Don't agree? Like we give a fuck.

[Rubbish music on:Love Comes Again - Tiesto feat. BT ]

A Whiter (Oranger) Shade Of Dale



What's worse than being a Rubbish Gay? Why looking like one of course. These sad lookie-likies make their living by being Dale Winton. Already tarred with a dirty brush, poor Dale can't help being himself. However this unholy trinity chooses to be Winton. We have no idea who would want to rent a Dale-a-like. If you do, please drop to your knees now and say 7 Cyndi Laupers. Hey now, hey now....

[Rubbish TV on: Emmerdale - ITV 1 ]

Five Go Off Topping

"Here they come, the beautiful ones..." I doubt Suede had this quintet in mind when this song was penned, but UK Living (Sky's default womens/gay channel) are using this theme to trumpet the arrival of 'Queer Eye For The Straight Guy UK'. Having only seen one advert reminisce of 5ive's glorious 'Lets dance', and some press snippets rubbish gays has very little to draw on for our pre-screening review. Lack of general information, and drawing rash conclusions is our bag, so here we go.

Looks, well they don't look good do they? Maybe the one on the far right is a bit of a looker, but maybe it's just his chin? Judging by their profiles they have a wealth of experience amongst them, for instance one of these has 'choreographed adverts for Colgate', while another has worked with Aleshas Attic. Ah the heady aroma of D-list hangs in the hair, it lies heavy like stale poppers in a Sunday Morning sauna/bath-house. Sadly even though this QEFSG is 'UK' only 2 poofs are Brits, poor show!!



Will it be crap? Who can say? Will we watch it? Will we ever mention it again? There are too many questions. One short answer is, don't bother, Channel 4 have already come up with a programme that sounded crap but is actually quite good in the form of 'Fairy Godfathers'. In that spirit have a look at the 'fairies' above. Again hounds, but in a cabbage patch way. Aww blesh 'em!!

[Rubbish TV on: Star Trek:Voyager - Sky One ]

Dale Caeser!!!

Polls, poles?!?! After watching Demi Moore in Striptease, we learned that to become a lap dancer, you need a pole & a copy of Annie Lennox's Diva. We have been running the former for far too long now. We too are tired of seeing it. Hoorah, lets kill it!!

Where on earth to start?? We have proved that you don't have to be Steps to be caught in the middle of a chain reaction. Rubbish Towers notoriously lazy, has decided to clean up the sidebar. To that note, the Whats the worst thing about being a gay' poll has officially closed!! The votes are in and displayed below. Dale, with over 50% of the votes you are the worst thing about being gay. Don't blame us, the public can be cruel.



If the stats on this poll are too much then we have drawn a venn diagram. Really we wanted to do a pie-chart, but you can't always get what you want.

---

As we were searchin' for pictures for the All-Dale revue we came across this one. We call it "WHEN GAYS COLLIDE!!"



Yes its Limahl, doesn't look too shy shy. Please go look at his website thing, his hair has been a flamboyant melody of mangy dog & studio line. Rubbish Gays is also from Wigan, we walked the crooked path to get here though. Meanwhile, Limhal real name, Christopher Hamil, the neverending hair sprayed one took it up the crooked passage and is still waiting to pass a crooked sixpence in his stool. A word Chris. Kajagoogoo were a shite sandwich we of a certain age had a bit of a bite of once. Kids will eat anything. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on poor Chris, but as an ambassador for Wigan Pride Pie Eaters he falls well short. Why lovely shapely Kym Marsh once we are your dark nemesis, keep one eye-to-eye over your shoulder next time you're in Poole's Pies.

[Rubbish TV on: Carry On Up The Jungle - UKTV Gold ]

Con Te Partiro (Time to Say You're Gay)



What time is it?? Why it's cock-o-clock!! A great gift for an antique gay or a blind person. Be gay every second of the day with this wank watch. Hourly chime alternates between 'I'm Coming Out' & 'Male Stripper'.

[Rubbish TV on: Cutting It - Channel 4l ]

Searchin'....Looking for Porn!!



If the idle hand isn't on the keyboard its likely to be on the penis of most male users. Inspiration is sought from various places, but what happens if you want something a bit different? Do a 'Search'. That's right we have been checking our fag stats and found some of you, like U2 didn't find what you were looking for.

Without further ado I present (only amusing) Top Search Keywords:-

-steven you ginger knob (Poor Steven. A pair of Clippers for you then love)

-cock scaffolder (Um, summit about erections or curry?)

-mr gay uk looks like lee blue (Why yes he does!! There's your validation)

-gay lads dressed as footballers (It's call footie kit try )

-men with little pricks and boners (Man hater or bad comedown??)

-whats andy bell doing from erasure (Still promoting the 'Best of Erasure', not very well judging by this question)

-Fuck Conservatism (Make it take it like a bitch!! Dinky doo!!)

-coronation street todd cock cum ass (Whippit up his gunnell!!)

-have a wank shorts (Like 'fuck-me-shoes', but for men)


Having once listened to Blink 182, we now pay attention to...all the..small things. With that in mind and via a crooked path I bring you:-

-chicken-in-a-basket sex (see below)


This was a new one. What on earth could chicken-in-a-basket sex be? It all sounded a bit Pink Flamingos to us. We had a fag and did our own search. After exhausting seconds, hot from the crucible came...nothing. Chicken-in-a-basket sex is a myth, doesn't exist, like Ramsbottom. What we did find was much more entertaining. An online Dictionary of Gay Terms
because sometimes the words get in the way:-

Chicken-with-a-Basket: Teenager who fills out his jockey shorts, a boy with a big cock.


Rubbish Gays has booked taxi for town!! Jockey baskets here we come!!

[Rubbish TV on: Hollyoaks - Channel 4 ]

While You Were Sleeping....

We have been absent of late. Like a bent Rapunzel stuck high in Rubbish Towers, "Rapoofterzel, Rapoofterzel, let down your golden shower!!". Vile? We agree. Only one thing more 'off-colour' is Brown. We don't do brown, so you can imagine our delight when we came across this baby.



"This town needs an enema!!" never a truer words spoken Mr Nicholson, even if it has to be done one hot bott at a time. Agreed a small amount of poo is a hazard of the (bumming) job, but a quick 5 minutes with 'Tidy Butt' means you can say farewell Mr Brown Star!! Confident? Yes! Clean? Yes! Ready for love? Am I ever!!

Seriously gays, anal cleanliness is not to be sniffed at!!

[Rubbish TV on: X-Files - Sky One Mix ]