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Rubbish Gays

Gay is the new black, but rubbish is the new brown.

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

OI! You In The Kilt!! FUCK OFF!!

It's like Brigadoon, but yet not.

Beware of kilts this New Year, especially gays in kilts. This is Ben, he's a rubbish gay who likes wearing kilts. He is also a God botherer who is too into Disney for his own good. He has a crappo website, click here to see it!!

[Rubbish TV on: James & The Giant Peach - BBC 1 ]

Thursday, December 25, 2003

A Tale Of Two Bummers

...and the last one to cum has to eat the biscuit!!

The Road To El Dorado this afternoon was a cornucopia of gayness. It was a bit like the Million Pound Property Experiment, but set in 16th century South America. Extra points for male animated bottom nudity, not seen since Titan A.E. (Points taken away by Elton John's bumming songs).

[Rubbish music on: Im Glad (Paul Oakenfold Perfec - Jennifer Lopez ]

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Dancing Like A Cunt

Everyones wanking for you!!

Rubbish Gays spent most of the weekend in company of other rubbish gays & a wipe-clean dance mat. A declaration must be made:Dance mat games are the most fun in the world EVER. Having converted a causal gamer in to a dance mat lover, the word MUST be spread. The gem pictured above includes the classic 'One Step Closer', so no excuses. There are of course no extra points for waving your arms about, but why not anyway.

Meanwhile searching for alternatives we came across this new item 'hot from Japan'. Normally they always have the best stuff, but this looks like purest shite.

Fiddler on the poof!!

"Look mum I'm Vanessa mae!!"

[Rubbish music on: Sundown - S Club 8 ]

Monday, December 22, 2003

Mistletoe & Poppers

Christmas time, don't stop sucking my bell-end.

[Rubbish TV on: Family Affairs - Channel 5 ]

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Get In Line Now!!

I can't dance...I can't dress...

End concealing, try revealing, open your arse... Rubbish Gays & Associates went to see the Human League last night. .We spotted other gays there, and bought some gay merchandise in this case a 'mousemat'. You will be pleased to know that Phil (talking) was in fine voice, as were the girls. Much as I love them though, Susan has no sense of rhythm, and looking at Joanne's tutu (see above) she appears to have no sense of style. Long may they reign!! Don't don't you wank me...

[Rubbish music on: Love Action - Human League ]

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

The Shame!!

My daddy dances better than yours!!

My Two Dads, hilarious 80's US sitcom, in which a dead slut leaves her daughter to 2 men who she had sex with years ago. However some lucky kids have two gay dads, and what better way of showing how much you hate them by wearing this t-shirt. Kids are smart, we've seen Uncle Buck, so listen up S Club-ers. Be sure to wear this t-shirt ALL THE TIME for maximum embarrassment of both papas.

[Rubbish music on: This Groove - Victoria Beckham ]

Top/Bot Of The Class!!

Trainee homos click here!!

-How does your arse work?
-What can you do to help stop that 'gagging' sensation?
-What does he want to do with that?

If you have ever asked yourselves these questions (and are a gay), then this course is for you. Warning though, if you already attended the 'Arse Class' you won't get priority.

[Rubbish TV on: Pepys -BBC 1 ]

Monday, December 15, 2003

Readers Lives

Ferrero RocherMatchmakers

From: A Gay
Date: 14 December 2003 14:19
Subject: How The Mighty Have Fallen

Dear Rubbish Gays,
This gay found himself hankering after
some old skool Kitten magic, and finding this CD Single cover on google (see
attachment atomic1)

Compare this fresh-faced bunch of pop beauties with the wizened pop crows on
atomic2. As discussed, the cover art is reminiscent of Microsoft Word, while
the girls themselves appear to have had a night in a Barbie beauty parlour
whilst off their cake on drugs.

I fear the dumper beckons... Or at the very least the chicken-in-a-basket
circuit.... Poor cows.

Nick x

Indeed, what on earth has happened to the Kits/Kats?? Ladies Night? More Like Girls World. Makeup by Aunt Sally, hair by Ricardo. Being a gay, and consequently a bit rubbish Mr A Gay (Nick) has made one glaring error. Just as Bananarama have tried to cover up Jacquie O'Sullivan, A. Kitten have erased all traces of Kerry 'Attentionseeking' Katona. For evidence we also turned to Google, see Exhibit Blee below. What's that?? They weren't always blonde??

So young now...

In conclusion, Love Doesn't Have To Hurt, but neither does shoving this unwanted trio in a sack and chucking it in t'canal.

[Rubbish TV on: Blue Peter - BBC 1 ]

Wrote For Luck

Suck our cock Lowculture...go on...

Thanks to the wise readers of Popjustice, Rubbish Gays is 6th best site of the year. We accept this top six placing in the spirit that it was intended, IE Up the arse, no messin!!

Regular readers will note this gay has been resting on laurels (haunches), no more. As soon as the household chores are finished, all will be put right. Keep the faith init.

[Rubbish TV on: Eggheads - BBC 1 ]

Monday, December 08, 2003

When Gays Collide...

Push it, let's push it... Vs I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me

'So I'm A Gay-on All-the-time' this evening had the lovely and fit Alan Cumming as a guest. Gays take a lesson, Graham is a rubbish gay, Alan is not. His Nightcrawler produces nocturnal emissions back at rubbish towers, which brings up another question: If you wank off to the X-Men, does it then become porn?

Back to Norton, once a week was fine, and a treat, five times is torture. What ever happened to the 'everybody stay standing' bit. How come Cyndi 'She's so unusual' Lauper had a full show to her self, while Cummings & Lauren Bacall had to share double billing. Cyndi used to be good, but this new direction has pants written all over it.

In conclusion if you were watching So Graham Norton shame on you, you should have been watching Little Britain.

[Rubbish TV on: Bo Selecta - Channel 4 ]

Saturday, December 06, 2003


What a shower of shite this show is.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Preaching To The Converted

I believe the children are our future...

Rubbish Gays was causally flicking when found Cher:The Farewell Tour. Without wanting to sound too gay, she puts on a good show. The audience seemed to be full of hen nights & rubbish gays, tanned & t-shirted up, echos of Canal Street. However this 'Farewell' nonsense has been heard time & time again. See Turner, Tina for example. Must dash, the tank-tops queers are going mad for Believe.

[Rubbish TV on: Cher:The Farewell Tour - BBC 1 ]

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Let's go round again...

Pot, kettle, black!!

Oh and here he is, in living colour. Note sallow complection, sad eyes. Before you die you see the Ring...

Kiss me with your mouth...

Alan, again you miss the point. I have no life. This is as good as it gets for rubbish gays.

[Rubbish music on: Happy Just To Be With You - Michelle Gayle ]

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

The horror!!

Mummy wow!! I'm a big boy now!!

Yes already Faceparty throws up another denizen from the deep. Pullups is the name, nappies is the game. Adult babies turn me off, as they should all decent minded gays. It's like Sonia, you know she's there, but you don't need to be reminded about it. His favorite food is Rusks, and favorite film, The Lion King. We look at this profile and can only think he has some issues. If you can help, drop him a line. Tell them we sent you!!

[Rubbish TV on: End Of Days - ITV 1 ]

Gay Rubbish has a new home...

...and thy name is Faceparty. The young gays I am passing over for the moment in favour of those older who should know better. On that note, meet Indiemodboy:
Look now, look all around, there's no sign of life...

On first look it appears to be Simon Le Bon pre-Rio, but no look closer. He is modern but looks like a thing from times gone by. His ideal partner appears to be Ringo Starr circa 1966. How queer. Indiemongboy we salute you!!!

[Rubbish TV on: End Of Days - ITV 1 ]