The Angela Rippon Of Pop

   Often mentioned in these pages as a source of scorn and derision, Hazell Dean may seem like a dark mystery for those born after 1982, straights, and johnny foreigners. So for those readers and regular rubbish collectors alike, 'Call her Miss Dean'.

   1983 United Kingdom. Pete Waterman, soon after inventing steam locomotion & pop music 'invents' Hazell Dean. Gays of a legal age (then 21 how queer), and lesbians of any age felt a change in the air. She was the 1st true Stock/Aitken/Waterman product, and 'Searchin' her dykey debut, is still a jewel in the SAW crown.

   Never with a man on her arm, the young Hazell fought many rumours about her sexuality, but like everyone else in the 80's bar Tony Hadley she did turn out to be 'one of us' after all. Her chart career was brief, but her impact on the gay provincial pub jukebox has been astonishing. Even as her debut hits 'Searchin' & 'Whatever I do' reach the age of consent, there will be some small dancefloor in Britain that will always be...Forever Hazell.

It was this E-mail from A. Fag that prompted this Hazerection:-



   We are always so careful with our spelling, curse our cockyness!! On the PS Gay Marvin's picture has been circulated amongst the resistance, if spotted he is to be captured and hidden along with the British airmen, until either the war is over or until his eyebrows grow normally.

   Finally. Remember back in September with introduced you to the most Rubbish Gay item EVER, the Freddie Mercury Collector Plate? Well, be prepared. The new official Rubbishiest Gay item is an album by Miss Dean. Without further ado I present a TNT fueled disc. Hazell's ABBA album. Makes getting to know a lesbian look very inviting. The hi-energy version of Nivarna's Nevermind?? It just well could be. We have no idea. Haven't heard it as suprisingly Kazaa & Winmx indicate no-one has it.



   Hazell, you're a lady. Let's keep it that way.

[Rubbish TV on: Stargate - Sky One ]

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back



Thanks to a tip off by Rubbish Informant 'Shitbag Smith', I now present the crappest gay pop wannabe (ever), 'Gay Marvin'. What his story? Who is he? One thing he's not is Marie from Roxette, although he is trying VERY hard, he so does not have 'the look'. He's a member of a new pop fucked group called Hussey. The other members are girls, and as girls are rubbish we don't show them.

So what's Gay Marvin's story?? According to his Husseyography, he has a BTEC, and was a Bluecoat. According to the picture, he dresses in his sisters clothes and has as much sex appeal as the Cheeky Girls.

His fantastic looks combined with a sassy attitude and great dance moves wowed the management company. Fantastic?? Sassy?? Wowed?? Management??

His sexy charms are sure to appeal to a whole new Hussey audience. Old gays, confused bisexuals, single mums who want to turn him.


Spotlight on Gay Marie from Roxette throws up more unappealing gay naffness.

BURGERS OR HOT DOGS?

Burgers. I love a bit of meat! Are you saying you're passive?

BOXERS OR THONGS?

Depends on my mood. Thongs & sarongs are so wrong, and maybe this implies small penis?


HAIR OR BARE?

I like a smoothie. Iím not into Bears. Don't dis the bears. True there is always a bear in the way, but bears like Hazel Dean so this could loose Hussey the famous Pink Pound.


In conclusion, never has so little been done for so few, and I bet he's never tried anal.

[Rubbish TV on: Relic Hunter - Sky One ]

Nothing Has Been Proved

We are proud to say this site is brought to you by full support of our long-time friend St Holly Johnson of Scouceland, and our brand new one Dusty O. As you know we recently featured Miss O's body of work and stood in both wonder and horror. luckily for our lawyers at Rubbish Towers Miss O likes us, as much as we like drag queens.



As if to drive home the point that a girls got to do, and rubbish will always be so. I present a flyer, as usual this will be know as exhibit gAy. Cheap booze, Dusty t-shirts, garish colours and shoddy type set!! A real winner!!



Miss Dusty Bin, long may you rule with shitty stick and taint all those who cum before you!!

[Rubbish TV on: Star Trek : Enterprise - Sky One ]

Any Hole's A Goal



Stolen from Heat magazine, thanks Mark Frith (wannagay). Look its bumming!! The Footballer and the Rentboy, our favorite film. Always nice to see, but according to the article above you won't. Call us cynical but did they think backdoor action was ever going to be shown on ITV? Titilation? Bring it on!!



Meanwhile the proper Coronation Street Gay Kiss is nearly upon us. Don't they look fit. All I ask is a late night special Hollyoaks style for a bit of back door action.

[Rubbish TV on: Footballers Wive$ - ITV 1 ]

There's Something About Conservatism



"Hi, at first glance you will see I'm a skinhead. Look again, I am wearing a suit. I'm a gay, and I'm a Tory. What the fuck?? I know, it's wrong and I can't help myself. Do me a favour, if you see me out crusing, drinking, dancing like a cunt, please ignore me. Just as I will ignore you if me and my party ever get into power again."

[Rubbish TV on: Relic Hunter - Sky One ]

Wonder Words

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Dear Last Nights Trade,

���you deranged psycho drug fucked nutcase, my nipples are so fucking sore. If I see you again I am kicking your ass!!

Stevo

---

[Rubbish music on: Love Me For Little While - Janet Jackson ]

Seventh Chevron Spunked And Encoded



The most rubbish of gays cannot fail to be hooked on sci-fi. Rubbish Gays was hooked on the Next Generation and Babylon 5. One that we tried to avoid was Stargate:SG 1. However we have becone satelite bitches and dispensed with five channel hell. Apart from the brilliant Relic Hunter, we have got right into Stargate. The team is a bit like the Village People, except they all wear the same uniform, and don't sing, an um don't appear to be fags. Anyway there is a trio of hot spunks to suit all ages. See them pictured above. We have a twink-ish with a great jaw, Johnas Quinn, we think hes versitile. Next up is the veteran, Jack O'Neil, he's older,rugged, definatly active, bet he knows all the tricks. Finally Daniel Jackson, fit, intellegent, floppy hair, undoubtably passive. The internet being as foul as it is has given life to gay sex with tv characters. Here is an example of some Stargaterotica:-

Daniel struggled frantically against the restraint, bucking up against the man squatting on his legs, and pinning him to the floor. The abused fabric of his shirt finally yielded to the determined assault; the noisy, organic sound of rending material mingling with Jack's low, evil grunt of satisfaction. He yanked the sundered remnants halfway down Daniel's arms but didn't entirely remove them. While what was left of the shirt no longer proved to be an impediment to his further intentions it definitely restricted Daniel's efforts to resist them.

I would like some Johnas 3-way action, but as he's a new character I will wait.

[Rubbish TV on: The Simpsons - BBC 2 ]