Slack Arse

Hello readers, Rubbish Gays has been rather rubbish of late. Like Sophie Ellis Bextor we have been thrust into a mixed up world. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible, likely when inspiration strikes during tommorrows Father Dowling Investigates. We have tales to tell, cages to rattle and questions to be answered. First and foremost 'who's cock is this?' a problem on our lips for most of the week.

Meanwhile our box needs ramming click here to force an entry.

[Rubbish TV on: Stargate S G-1 - Sky One ]

When Good Gays Go Bad!!

What is it that makes a gay rubbish? Lets start from the top. Haircut 100, in a 'salon' style swishy with hi-lights, think Liza Minelli's seminal 'Results' Period. It says 'look at me, I'm not just a haircut!!(except that's all I am sadly). Nothing says 'I'm a cunt please stab me!!' more than wearing sunglasses in a club.

Middle, there are 2 factors that come into play here, muscle & skin colour. Rubbish gays are either pure white, or orange, thin & scrawny or so-called gym-fit. The gym fit ones will be found with a white vest top on, the Zola Buds will be wearing a tank-top/capped-sleeved top. In a club setting the white vest will be removed, folded carefully and placed in the back pocket. The thin girls will NEVER remove their tops, no matter how hot.

Bottoms, mostly jeans. The worst offenders have the bleached arse jeans, designer rips, or a small diamantie pattern. No matter what the theme they will always have a flared leg. Which bring us neatly on to the cloven hooves of the rubbish gay. Shoes that are either slip on or square toed, or both or trainers that look like ballet shoes.

Finally, accessories. A well equipped rubbish gayer will always take their mobile phone with them. At the 1st sign of paranoia, it comes out, homotexual. Put the fucking phone away!! A lollypop can been seen on some gays, others a glowstick.

You know who they are, you have seen them, in fact you may be one. As Erasure say 'It doesn't have to be like that', no Andy it doesn't.

[Rubbish music on: You Choose - Pet Shop Boys ]

The Boys From Brazil



Back To Reality, if it did not exist someone would have to invent it. What may be the best show of the year so far (barring the upcoming Tracy Beaker Movie), has just begun. Like UB40 we gays are a 1 in 10, so each reality TV show may potentially have a fag. Trouble is normally it takes a while to cotton on whos Arthur and whos Martha. Obvious poofy behaviour Eg Brian Dowling is a good marker, but like most gays we still hope that the straight boys are a bit gay too. This always leads to disappointment later on, and reflects in the votes Eg Alex Sibley. So we start BTR with one advantage, we already know who is the gay player is, Ricardo.He is either tall and tanned and lean and lovely or a stick thin Brazilian fashion horror, but he holds all our eggs in his basket. As long as he doesn't try to wear it as a hat we should be OK. Ricardo Snippergay, you are the new champion of Rubbish Gays. Your mission is to piss off most of middle-england and so-called straight-acting gay men. Good luck and God speed my South American beauty.

[Rubbish TV on: Back To Reality - Channel 5 ]

A Fan Of The Tan



Some cunts have too much time on their hands, we should know. So we were not suprised when we came across this Kelly Llorenna fan site. Kelly Lorenna Forever!! I should hope not, this is excatly the type of tripe people on their 1st E fall in love with. If you see the single above in HMV, Virgin, etc, hide it behind the Scissor Sisters please. For those who are interested we fell in love with D:Ream on our 1st E, Flesh at The Hacienca. We were wearing a red bandana & ripped jeans. It was a very different time.

[Rubbish music on: Supermodel (You Better Work) - RuPaul ]

So Lets Dance Through All Of This!!!


Here's a readers comment it was rammed savagely into our box. Having turned toward the dark side some time ago, we don't mind rough male:-

re: "take me to the Clouds above". When I moved to England, I expected to have found refuge from such eurotrash monstrosities as Lou Bega, DJ Bobo, Otzi, or (as you mentioned) Sammy, the type of cheesy dance fodder that never dared to take itself seriously and has remained a sort of in-joke within Old Blighty. Its own efforts, like the cheesy girls and steps, were made digestible by the ultra camp tongue in cheek presentation, whilst still managing to come up with some sort of novelty element, but this U2 sample loop with a demented distorted Des`ree lookalike doing a Whitney karaoke, probably recorded within 2 hours in a cheap third rate music studio, and flogged onto the streets 5 minutes after that, should be made illegal. If this kind of stuff is allowed why not make `angel dust` legally available to teenage pupils. This song is not funny, not camp, it has no melody, no originality, features a terrible voice, and a crap performance which when on TV was switched off within 10 seconds. If this is the new `hip` thing in music, or whatever them kids call it these days. No wonder that Whitney has become a crack addict then. Can Bono please stop trying to butt his big overinflated ego into the world of `politics` and sue these musical assassins, so that they can be appropriately incarcerated into the deepest dungeon, so that we may forget this atrocity ASAP. Think you might agree there, Greets Tom

Tom, is our doppelganger/nemisis/dark mirror. We are him, and we are not amused!! PS This Time I Know It's For Real by Kelly Llorenna looks to be the new LMC, down the dumper with the pair of you. Northern clubland beckons!!

[Rubbish TV on: Miss Congeniality - Channel 5 ]

Getting To Know You

dirtysubxxx>hi mate how are you?
>hi dirty
dirtysubxxx>how are you
>not too bad lad
dirtysubxxx>ok mate so you into fucking and using a lad
>not really, sounds like hard work
dirtysubxxx>well your profile says you fuck
>doh
>maybe you are just too dirrty for me (I'm goin to get all Christina on his ass)
dirtysubxxx>ok
>ring the alarm!!(wooo here I go!!)
dirtysubxxx>bye then
(oh well)

[Rubbish music on: Freddy Mercury & Montserrat Caball� - Barcelona - ]

They say it's my fault, I want it too much

Oh shit. It's all over

'Tatu sack "scandal crazy" manager'

One album, thats it, polished fake lesbo pop. Will we ever see it's like again. We wonder what Holly Johnson thinks.

[Rubbish music on: Am I The Same Girl - Swing Out Sister ]