Rubbish Gays

Gay is the new black, but rubbish is the new brown.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Don't Call It A Comeback



Dear gays & 'the others' we have been like Lois Lane on smack lately letting each deadline fall like dominos. Like Ce Ce Peniston, finally we can be arsed to post. How magnanimous of us. We said never again but here we are.

The Kraken wakes!! Yes reporting live from Planet K Rubbish Gays has been in orbit for far too long thanks to the generosity of beautiful strangers & the K dealer on speed dial. From this queer angle we are reminiscing over S club 8 and wondering, do good things always go bad?

Once upon a time there were three beautiful girls who went to the police academy, and they were each assigned very hazardous duties, or rather a trio of ald bints started the long road home. The comeback. 1st masterminded by Tina Turner circa 1983/4 Private Dancer, the comeback is a lofty ideal. Kylie did it, Peter André didn't. This holy trinity consisted of the Return of Bananarama, Madonna's 'all-dance' album, and Barbera Striesand's Guilty Too (the revenge). Unless you are Helen Keller, you'll know all about Madonna's return to the hit parade & pants of the nation. We ourselves covered it in a previous article Madonna's A Fuckwit, Who Knew....

The other two didn't fare as well. Age before beauty starts us with Bananarama, with a combined age of a hundred and seven Keren & Sarah returned with a brash new hit single. Or rather a rehash of Can't Get You Out Of My Head. Their marionette like appearance on TOTP's was crushing for rubbish gays. These girls need to Debbie Allan from Fame in to sort out their lonely goatherd stylie dancing. The second single was better, all vocoded up like Cher on mogadon, we approved. So when the accompanying album came out we weren't in a rush. Neither was the British public. 'Drama!' the Nana's new long player seem to have gone unnoticed by everyone IE it took us ages to find somewhere to download it for free.

However in the Nana's favour this is a good record. A few lame tracks but that's to be expected, even Cathy Dennis had fillers (my simple heart anyone?). One of the tracks though is camp to the 3rd power. Its a 'reimagining of Venus' oh that's camp, its a hi-energy remix, oh now that's CAMP. Not yet. Marc Almond is the remixer, CAMPERSALLYFAGULIPSTICKSEXBIDILDOCIUS.
We played aforementioned track and woke up in a tank top an empty bottle of max gold & a sore arse.

What about Babs? Well yes. If you are going to get bummed by Barry Gibb this Guilty Too is to be expected. We have a whole collection of 'two-words' for Mrs Nose & Dr Teeth. Time Warp. White Suits. Home Perm. Never Breed. On the whole we liked it and recommended it to our rubbish mothers.

PS We thought for a moment four weeks ago we had been bummed by Will Young. We weren't.

[Rubbish music on: How Would You Feel (Peter Rauhofer Mix) - David Morales ]