Rubbish Gays

Gay is the new black, but rubbish is the new brown.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

10 Sex Tips For Yestergays & Togays

1 - Poppers are an evil necessary for some of the foul homosexual acts you as a gay will encounter. Remember though,once you pop you can't stop. See earlier expose on shoddy poppers packaging.

2 - Have a wash and make that a proper wash, inside & out. No shame in the douche, better be safe than sorry.

3 - Never accept a pig-in-the-poke. In todays clubs, online 'dating' and advance peek at the goods is always acceptable. Again, peek NOT poke large balls can oft be mistaken for cockage.

4 - Keep a towel close by, if the deed is performed in your gaff. If in their boudoir, use closest garment to hand, his best top or bedspread. His folly for not following this tip.

5 - If it won't go in, use poppers & force it

6 - If it still hurts after a minute or two, stop, repeat tip 5

7 - If you get frosty post-coital, let your sex partner know. This avoids a cock in the mouth/arse when you really just want a towel (see tip 4)

8 - There is no shame in getting dressed after the event. As host this is a signal for the guest 'the party is over'.

9 - NEVER buy condoms. This is the folly of the naffs. Safe sex packs on most gay bar tops will save you an arm & a leg. Wise to fill up on the way home.

10 - Unusual acts/choices of sex partner. Do what thou wilt, but, and here is the important part, DON'T TELL YOUR FRIENDS WHAT YOU GET UP TO. You'll have much more fun that way. LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS!!

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